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Me of all people, someone feels jealous of. Maybe she truly wasn't but angry because I got in the way. In realty it isnt my fault, its his. I was just a good friend to him and still am, and shes a ex.
I often take granted of how many people I have and am around. Maybe they are not all full at time, but they are still there. Eventually they all die out but thats okay. Ive loathed, self pitied and overall disliked everything about any relationship. For it is always complex and never stays. But I guess that is part of the learning process. So when the time comes to move, yeah Ill be upset but hopefully ill learn and grow after all the suffering to heal.
I guess this started when I felt alone, And I had no one even though a few acted kindly, " it isnt real," I thought. But it somewhat is. She is drawing a picture for me! Another talks and remembers fun times. He cares and respects people and me. I walk down the hall and all my people from last quarter rember and say hello! All yell my name and say hi. One girl says we should be friends, because she would like that! can you imagine this at all? We dont carry full conversations and thats okay. But it still matters to me. Im so grateful for every little detail, even when Im not. life isnt perfect and Id never thought Id have healthy relationships but I do! and im not sure how, maybe I healed or tried harder and people noticed. That doesnt mean it will always be like this, but ive taken a moment to be a little happy about something.
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