Deciding about the future

So, through the entire high school, I wanted to study medicine and become a successful doctor. But that wish was always accompanied by somewhat a dark feeling. I was a very good student but not the one with only top grades and everyone believed that I’m just not suitable for a doctor. At the end of high school, we have a special examination that is the most important thing when signing into university. Because I didn't score good I wasn't accepted into medicine. I decided to take a year gap to improve that examination. During this gap, I focused on myself and my mental health and realised medicine is not even something I would enjoy studying and see it as a hobby. I found out that the field of psychology Is something I could voluntary study, read and listen about any time. So I decided to sign into psychotherapy. I was very very excited until I had surgery last weekend and spend time surrounded by doctors. I know I am not that interested in learning medicine but it's the feeling of being there, surrounded by them, the old feelings of dreaming I will be them someday came back. I kind of feel disappointed at me for not pushing harder through high school and the last examination. I can’t get rid of the admiration for doctors and the feeling of being there.