What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
My family and I went to a different city for a few nights. I've never had a problem with this but for some reason, this time I was not very excited about it. The place we went to was very windy, and the moment we arrived, it felt as though the wind was pricking my skin each time it blew. It wasn't cold but I wanted more than nothing to bury myself under blankets just to not feel the wind against my skin.
When we went to our rooms, the room was too cold too so I turned off the AC (I ended up leaving it off for the entirety of our stay). Then I sat on a chair, but it suddenly felt wrong to do so. I didn't want to sit on the chair anymore, not because it wasn't comfortable, but because it just didn't feel right. So I went to the bed instead, and the bed was comfortable at first. But then at night, the bed kept feeling weird, so I ended up staying awake till very late, around 4am).
I decided to take a bath, and it was a perfectly clean bathroom but once again, I found myself hesitant to touch anything at all. I was even scared to sit in the tub. As I sat in the water, I could feel my head in a frenzy, with my thoughts going everywhere, too quickly, and I couldn't concentrate on a single thought alone. All I could understand about my thoughts was that for some reason, everything felt too overwhelming to me, and my own body felt foreign to me. I managed to bathe with really hot water, but for a good amount of the time, I was just sitting there with my legs crossed and staring blankly at my hands as I placed them under the faucet and left them to be hit by hot water. It was so hot that when I finally left the bath, my skin was all red.
I went back to the bed, still uncomfortable, so I thought that maybe surrounding myself with pillows and sitting right in the center of the bed would help. That's how I sleep at home, after all. But to my disappointment, it didn't work at all. The pillows felt wrong on my head, my pj's were prickling my skin, my hair was tickling at my face, and the covers felt too hot even when my feet were freezing.
The following days were just a repeat of this. Even during the daytime, I felt like everything around me was just too much. It felt difficult to talk, I would lose my appetite very quickly, I didn't want to be surrounded by noise, and I would just space out or stare into the distance constantly. I could only manage to stay relatively calm if I distracted myself by working on something such as homework for hours.
At one point during our stay, I decided to separate myself from everyone and go by myself to the beach, away from all the people. I ended up taking my shoes off and digging my feet into the sand, then squatting down to touch the sand with my hands. I spent... a good while doing this. The sand felt very warm and soft. It felt gentle too. It made me almost giddy to just do that. It was the only moment at which I felt at ease. But then I had to go back.
On our final night, it was so overwhelming I felt as though I was actually going to start crying from everything that had pent up. Thankfully, I was too exhausted from the previous days and nights, and I ended up passing out before I could cry.
Now I'm home, but things feel weird still. Things are still overwhelming, although not as much as during our stay. I'm very happy to be in a familiar bed with familiar sheets and a familiar smell. I'm extremely exhausted, I hope I can finally sleep properly.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
everything got better but i still feel the same
he came back. he said he loved me and it was okay and we could work it out. this is what i wanted. i'm still not happy....
-
Frustrated
I hate this, I hate having a constant reminder that my future and my education are at risk, just because my parents decided to enroll me in a private university...
If this keeps up you should seek the advice of a doctor. Twice in my life I have felt 'not right', gone to a doctor both times, the first time to be told I was having a mental breakdown for which I had to go to hospital, and the second time to be told I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Reply