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I always fantasized about getting badly injured. When I would hang out with my friends I would occasionally imagine a drunk driver crashing into us, injuring only me. In school I fantasize about a school shooting happening where I get caught in the bullet. I even fantasize about getting chased, beaten and gang raped. I always felt guilty for thinking such things especially since others actually go/went through those incidents. But I realize why I constantly fantasize about stuff like that. I want my mother to love me and care for me. Just once, before I leave.
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