My Unsent Letter

Dear 15 year old me,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through in your few short months of being 15, and what you are going to go through.

I’m sorry I’m still with him. I’m sorry I let him treat us like this. I’m sorry 6 years later I still can’t let him go. By still being with him I feel like I’m letting you down, you were a child and he was a man, and now your a woman and he’s still a man. But your a woman with the soul of a child because I made you grow up too fast.

Im sober off coke(yeah sorry we get into hard stuff for a while), kind of, took 2 and a half years and going broke several times but after my last relapse I’m 2 months clean. We still smoke pot though, helps us get through the day. We still are addicted to nicotine which you’ll find out is less cool and more draining our bank account. Im sorry we got hooked on things, life got hard.

Life got really hard, we attempted suicide first year of college, successfully avoided a psychiatric stay by dipping the hospital right after stitches. But dropped out of school a year later because I didn’t want it to happen again. Instead I started working and got sober. But I’m sorry I couldn’t see through your passion.

We almost died in a car crash a month ago, car flipped over. But hey at least we have our license, it’s been a long time coming.

I’m sorry I still don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like a huge let down to you, myself.

I want to let go and fall back into old habits so much. But for you I try to keep going.

I want so much to heal you, my inner child, but I’ve done so much more damage. I know how badly you needed love and attention and I’m sorry you didn’t get that. I’m sorry when you sobbed in your room because you felt alone, no one was there to hug you. Because I am you, and you really needed a hug.