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It's so hard. And I know I'm lucky, I know some people have it so much worse than me. I know that there are people who have literally nothing. But sometimes I'm just drowning in my own thoughts and I can't breathe. I look in a mirror and I step on a scale and all I see is this distorted image of what I should be. I always imagine what its like to be okay. Or what if i was normal? I mean normal, like the person who can have a day to simply jump into a car and drive wherever, eat whatever without gaining an ounce, run a single brush through their hair and nod before they head out the door, wear any size clothes with a feeling of security and confidence no matter when or what kind of day it is. To be able to show up anywhere with a smile, to be able to walk inside their house and not flinch at any sound, to not go to sleep and be scared to death watching the door the entire night. I wonder what it's like to walk around with someone you genuinely love and just be able to relax and feel safe. To not feel so overwhelmed in your thoughts, to just be able to not think. To not be scared to walk into your own house, a place you're supposed to call "home."
There are two kinds of abuse. Physical abuse and emotional abuse. They are both damaging in so many different ways. Physical abuse makes you retreat into that small little space in your mind and just exist in nothing, but emotional abuse, is so hard to endure. But knowing about it and enduring it are entirely different things. When I hear people at my high school talking about how they got a bad grade and now their parent is going to beat them, they really have no idea what it actually feels like to be physically abused. To be beaten so bad you can't even wake up and go to school. To be coughing up blood trying to breathe through your nose so your broken ribs don't puncture your lung and you drown in your own blood. Emotional abuse, though, I believe is the worst. You can't retreat into your mind anywhere and turtle up and blank out. You have to listen to the insults they throw at you. You can't tune them out and it hurts. It makes you change the way you see yourself, it makes you feel worthless. And at my school, when people even make little comments like "omg you're so dumb" or "you're so stupid" even in a joking manner, it slowly breaks you down inside until you just accept it and you start to believe what they are actually saying. But the bigger insults, from people that are supposed to love you and care for you hurt even more. It truly kills you.
Coping with this is unimaginable. And you can never know what anybody is ever going through. They may always be smiling, having fun, looking like their life is perfectly normal, but they could be dying inside, emotionally, physically, or in any way. And it is so sad. The world we live in.
Just remember, that you may be suffering, in your own mind or physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any way, but you are sitting here with a laptop looking at other people's complaints, while there are people who don't even have clean water to drink, they don't even have a house to live in, they don't have a family. So before you go complaining on the internet, behind a screen oh so bravely, think about whether or not you are truly suffering.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
True, some forms of darkness are much worse than others, but a pound of dog poop weighs as much as a pound of rotten eggs, if that makes sense.
It is healthy to make an effort to improve yourself physically or emotionally, no matter your situation. And then those who improve themselves can teach others "how to fish".
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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