All my card have burned, destroyed, or played in love or second chance.

Tonight is almost 20 years since I started my freshman year in High School. My first card was hope. After 2 years of getting over my first true loved and crush. However, that card has destroyed before senior graduation. In my second year in high school, my next card was to find meaning in true love. But, that card was destroyed during my deployment. From my second year to my senior year in high school, the next card was faith and hobbies. But, it was destroyed after my medical discharge. I have faith and interest after my medical accident, seeing the horrors of war and finding out about the faith's true intentions.

For the last 7 years, I have been playing the card of darkness, sadness, and anger. Blaming others, and having no trust in myself. Until I played the card of physical lust. I've never used this card due to my former faith and personal morality. However, it came at a cost. My income, lack of true love, and seeing them as physical objects.

However, I finished playing the card of lust due to a personal decision and enough confidence to see someone. Until a heartbreak for the last 6 years. Then, three years later I still feel the pain.

Now. Thanks to the pandemic, lost families, friends, associates, and people I know who have died of Covid, and/or natural causes, and had mental breakdowns during the first year. Losing hope and having no feeling to be loved again. My negative experience from being rejected, being played by a person for personal gain, and being scared to be alone in the future. My last card is death. Either way by permanent alternate harm or going to war under a different name. As of tonite, I have one year left. If the war still going on before or after my due date. My opinion is

final unless that person will be there? Then, I'll postpone or cancel for the time being.