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One of the worst things about living with a person suffering from severe depression is the need to repress all of your own emotions and moods. I can never get angry, annoyed, or sad. I have to remain calm and patient at all times otherwise I might trigger one of my spouse's bouts of depression which can last weeks. It just isn't worth it to ever show any negative emotion so instead I hold it all in. Every. Single. Day.
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My dad is a husband to a depressed wife. She is difficult to live with at times. My dad for years has acted the way you are. It hasn't helped much. Recently my dad has opened up a lot, relatively speaking, and I think it's helped the whole family. Depressed people need to talk, yes I know it's not easy to keep your cool and be patient AND communicate your anger, annoyance, and sadness all at the same time, but if you keep trying.... I think it gets everyone closer to a better state of being. Eventually. Just don't ever stop trying to help her and talk with her! I don't think you should be holding it all in....
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