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This is where I am.
As my mind wanders again… I wonder who I am…
What my life will be.
What my loved ones lives will be.
The unknown scares me and that is all you are.
Unknown.
The relationships we create and the people we meet in this life,
Do not care how many followers we have,
But wait… they do now.
Its an online world and if you aren’t in it…
If you don’t understand it, sorry… but you are nothing…
nothing but a jealous creature crying and typing in the dark…
Losing sleep,
Slowly dying.
We all are…everyday…do not worry as the thoughts of ending them do not cross my mind. But these thoughts do.
My mind only thinks of what life was like before you had your new love.
Before you had to be accepted by everyone but the people who love you most.
The unending beast, the snake among us slowly divides us from the people we should…we were, closest to.
Its not even a wolf, in disguise. It just is.
There isnt a lid to the box anymore.
she has been out for so long… now…
You.. you are in the box.
It is a glass box where everyone sees you.
But cannot hear.
The volume of the words we speak fall silent among the ears of those who we want to hear them the most.
Self hate, self loathing, self destruction.
Of the mind. No sleep.
I cannot… my mind wonders through fields and fields of questions they remain unanswered because no one is in the field.
If someone were to read this it would…
Devastate,
Destruct,
Disintegrate.
How can anyone let a new love step between the ones we are supposed to love the most.
Is it because we do not love ourselves?
Is it because we were never meant to do anything but over populate our home with more and more empty boxes?
I do not show love, because I cannot post about it.
You don’t see the things I do because I care, but no one else sees, because I leave my boxes empty.
Everyone sees the things done other little boxes that matter most.
But here I stay… In the box without anyone that matters most.
I want you here, Do you want to be here?
You voice, your body, your actions, but you…do you? Are you?...
there?
The soul… is gone… lost among the endless and endless supply of boxes coming from places we have only been to once.
We saw something we liked…and the box is now ours.
Everyone see how much we love the box.
What is in that box? Another lost soul? Begging for love, begging for or love, our acceptance
Begging for the attention their partners adjacent to them cannot give?
Or is it that the attention cannot be received by the ones we love,
Because I…no they, the partners being ignored are not showing the love in the little empty boxes.
This day, this night… they are way too long now.
…
The kids will wake soon. My doggy will wake soon.
You… your always awake.
Never resting your eyes, never resting you mind on things that don’t matter, that never mattered before. Or maybe they did?
Maybe I never saw how much they mattered to you so you seek the approval of strangers.
No … they are called friends…not the ones from before…
People that hit follow.
They are our new love, they are our new family…
The time spent with them are short. We look up,
We look back down… 1 second up… 4 seconds down…
There it is…harmless yes? What if it was one day up…4 days down…
What about lifetimes?
Is it the reason our children do not know… never know the constant struggle it is for attention… oh wait… they do… they beg for our attention… they act out, they don’t listen…
In the little empty boxes… those kids are perfect.
Perfectly dressed, perfectly loved in the words following the boxes that remain empty.
Our lives are based on… no, depend on what is in those empty boxes.
I am grateful …yet, I am fearful of what boxes will carry you away from us….
Us? Or me? I seem to you, to others close to me, possibly unstable?
…is it me? Can I not see?
Is this problem only mine? I have lost my relationship…my best friend… to the empty boxes that “understand” us.
The people that “love” us.
The people that love….”us”.
Ramble ramble ramble…
Here he is, the one whose skills with words is lacking.
For he never practices the meaningful waltz among stories that “matter” to the ones that love seeing our empty boxes.
My box remains empty.
I want it to be full again… but I want you to be full more…more of my love…not the little hearts thrown at you by the thousands.
I want you to know how much your life can be full without all of the empty boxes that vanish like the words coming from my lips.
They fly through the air, and miss the target.
But wait..They hit… they hit sooooo hard. But I meant for them to be something else.
I do not want sadness, anger, hatred, jealousy, …I beg for love.
I want the love before our boxes were empty meaningless whisps, that eternity will swallow. The blackness when I do close my eyes…
It is… refreshing, It is scary, it is empty, lonely, and …it is, what it is.
I am terrified…Terrified to lose you to something not real.
The love, the acceptance, the kind people behind the empty boxes.. those are real…we think.
I do not know how to compete. I do not even know how to act.
I am…………… I am an amazing soul, wanting you to want me again.
Your words say what I am longing for…but then…ahhh yes,
We must return…It is who we are, it is OUR families living.
Not just ours but millions and millions of people just like us,
Longing for acceptance, the acceptance that is just a click away.
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