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So this is love eh? It’s so odd. An unfamiliar but familiar warmth, laughing for no reason but some silly memory of you snorting at something you were watching, reaching for you absentmindedly but seeing you’re not there and then feeling sad. Is it always this stuffy? This need to be around you. Has it always been this maddening? Like why would I care about what shirt I was wearing, if my phone lockscreen with my cat on it looked like I was one of those crazy pet parents (which I am), if my shoes looked worn, if my smile was frozen strangely on my lips and my hair was a racoon’s nest. I never did… till today.
So this is love. It’s not like the movies.. They seem so sure about everything, knowing something about that happy ending that they’re guaranteed but I’m fumbling, stumbling and bumbling my way to your heart and looking so foolish doing so but I can’t help it. The nerves that seem to jumble my words and flush my cheeks when I’m near you or try to speak to you. The sense of acting blasé or cool as a cucumber but pulling it off as awkward and stiff as you could get. You’ve really scrambled my normality but I’m not sure if I hate it entirely. Yet, it is scary because what will become of me after this stage? If I told you how I felt.
Will we meet in the middle and carve our paths together like two rain drops colliding on the screen of a window or will it be like two comets passing one another, one lighting a blazing trail and the other, dimming to forever make their solitary flight out in space — to never feel the explosive energy of two people’s existence crashing into one another.
I’m not sure if this is love. I can’t ever be sure of anything but if it is… love… I wonder if you could see the gravitational effect you have rippling across me, drawing me into you. I wonder, what will happen if you and if I, could give the idea of us… a chance.
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This is so beautifully written. If you're speaking of your own feelings, I wish you nothing but the best. Your story is so endearing and I hope it's a happy one in the end, too.
ReplyNope not love but you just feeling weird about something being gone when it used to be there
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