“Blood is thicker than water”

We were 5 friends in a group until someone came in the picture out of nowhere and pulls one away. That “one” that was pulled away is my cousin. We’ll call her blue. We used to do almost everything together as far as I can remember. Which is why its natural to be jealous or envious of the other person, who we’ll call orange.

Recently i’ve realized that this whole blue and orange situation has been making me feel so insecure. even when im alone with blue i catch myself wondering stuff like “how would she act if orange was here?” “is she thinking about orange?” “does she miss orange when im here?” “who would she prefer, me or orange?” and it just makes me feel so bad. sometimes i even think about dropping blue because im so tired of it, which is not something i’d normally do. I always tell others to communicate with the other person when they have problems before deciding to drop the person. But idk if i can do that with blue. I feel like nothing will change because what is there to change? She’s happy with how it is. I cant tell her to change it. But still, its only makes me hate and resent orange more and im not someone to feel so hateful towards someone/something. I cant express how orange makes me feel i just want to pull her teeth and hair out and stomp her head against concrete until her head looks like mush. Idk…but shes making me want to drop my own cousin and ruin our family relations and friendships cuz its making me feel like im not good enough and i hate that feeling so much im so tired of feeling like that every day.

I cant think of a solution where i win. its either i tell blue how i feel, which will do nothing, or drop her, which will ruin our relations.

I just want to run away man. That seems like a way better option:(