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I don't understand anything. I can't seem to get over this one traumatic event that happened to me. Lately, I've gotten into this thing called anime. But it's not just some enjoyable activity to me. It's sort of like I've twisted my life to where the show I'm watching is my reality, and that all of the real world stress is just some bad dream. I spend almost all of my free time on it, because when I'm away from it for a certain amount of time, it's like I practically lose my mind over that stressful trauma, and my emotions go out of wack, and I hate the people that did this to me and my family, and then I feel like I'm to blame for everything. I feel useless, and I think, "Everyone would be so much happier if I wasn't here." I start thinking suicidal thoughts, and I get a powerful urge to just do something crazy to myself or one of those people who did this. I dream that I maybe did something to those people I hate or that they tried to hurt me in a more physical way. Then, I watch some stupid anime like some sort of geek, and all of a sudden, that's the center of my attention, it's my reality, and I don't even care. Why? I don't understand. I can't trust anyone because of what happened to me. I literally have no friends, and that's not their fault, it's mine. I don't want to have this "addiction" to this stupid thing called anime, but here I am. I can't stay away from it or I'll become very unpredictable. What do I do? How do I stop this? It's been over a year since this happened, so how come I'm still suffering from it? Will I ever get over it, or will I have to deal with this "addiction" and my demons for the rest of my life?
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