What should i do?

It's funny, you know I never thought I'd be in a long distance relationship. I never wanted to either because that meant being in a relationship doomed from the start. I used to say, "it'll never work" or "someone's gonna give in eventually and move on" but here I am, technically in a long distance relationship with an incredible girl whom I think I love and God I'm scared.

I'm scared I'll ruin this or hurt her or hurt myself. I'm scared I've fallen too hard and now there's no turning back. Sometimes i dream about being with other girls. Then i remind myself, I'm actually someone's girl. I'm in a relationship. Crazy huh?

Thing is, she doesn't know me. Physically yes, emotionally no. She just doesn't ask me or ponder my notions of the world. She listens but never asks. I ask and listen but struggle to remember. I've the mind of goldfish at times but she doesn't even try. It's like she's won the prize and isn't trying to make me fall anymore, you know?

"God I really wish you'd thought this through, before I went and fell in love with you"

Because I hate long distance and I hate how attached I am to you. You nearly wrecked us. The whole thing. All because I had accidentally triggered you into thinking about your previous ex's mistakes. All I wanted was to go on a trip with T, my best friend and you shut that down real quick. You hurt me that night and thou I won't go into everything on here, know that it's still in the back of my mind everytime someone talks about a trip to italy now. It foesnt help that T is still going, she's going alone because she had booked the time off anyways. Because of that messy night, my best friends don't trust you and are unsure of your intentions. They were already super protective of me but now, they are more so.

God knows how you'll react to me spending Christmas with just T, since my fams a mess and i was planning to spend Christmas alone but she insisted I come to her family's Christmas. I could spend it with you but I know you love being around just your family at Christmas so I wouldn't dare to ask you thou I'm sure you'll freak at this kinda news. And I said I would make it up to T so we're going on a trip away together in September. I want to go somewhere with you but I don't think I'm ready for us to that. Going a trip abroad as a couple is a whole experience and you broke alot of my trust that night. I don't know, because I also think it would be so fun with you. I'm always smiling when you're near and I adore how happy my childlike wonder makes you whenever we re on adventures together.

I fudging love you so so much but you're my first girlfriend and I don't know if you're my forever. I don't know if I'm settling. I don't think about you all the time and sometimes I avoid saying I love you over text because I'm not feeling in love with you in those moments. I don't wanna break your heart. I don't want to see you cry because of me. I am so confused and unsure as to what to do. I don't want to be like my parents and stay together for years arguing before getting a messy divorce, all cause they didn't accept they weren't meant to be in the begining.

We've only been together for a year but I just, I know how to feel. Should I end this already when I'm not sure you're my everything or should I keep this going, even though it might end badly later?? I'm overthinking all of this, aren't I?