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Sigh I'm up again and it's after 2am. Fortunately there was only one outburst by him an hour or two ago. Doesn't make it any more easy to deal with though. I had to tune him out with my tiktok and headphones. I came across the sweetest old lady on there on a live. Really, if people can be like her then my aunt and dad can be better. She (not my aunt) the one I watched is a precious grandma on there. I miss my own honestly. She was soooooooo good to me made me feel safe and loved. I miss her. Things aren't any better with my dad. And if gets another quantity of that crap off his dealer it's the same bull all over AGAIN. Not my fault he ate 60 pills in 3 days time that's like a record. When he got them prescribed in the past yes he was abusive an ass but it's progressed to become much worse. I can't forget the look on his face threatening to cut my fkn head off . A lawyer said any unconsentual unwanted touch is battery. Well he pushed me. And was about to do more had I not went back to my room walking away. I was gonna call police he was out of his fkn mind in a psychotic way. Well as I said he went to far this time. my aunt rejected my call so I had no one to reach out to or another place to go for refuge. God is my only real refuge. But it's hard though not having friends and I've lived here a long time too. I miss my homeland I wanna go back around there. Though my relatives are getting much older and still seldom talk to me. I don't think I was meant to come here despite my cousin saying I was. Where is he? Being mr too good for us to associate. Even his mom said he won't introduce you to people like at a party he had he just bailed on my mom n dad. So. I don't need uncaring people. Especially like my dad and aunt. No I'm not a mistake either IDGAF what you say. Oh but hes acting no memory of it again. We didn't deserve his abuse. I hope he gets trapped up in his own mess he created with out affecting me. His problems most always affect me especially his addiction he won't try to control. He's been burden enough to me. I wanted to ask my aunt s. why didn't you tell me years ago what he did you or my aunt c I'd never brought him here if I'd known. But it'd start more family trouble so I won't. I have enough stress here as is with him cussing the last 4 days threatening us.
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