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Dear dad,
It’s time to try and heal. I’m sorry for things I said, my age and my hate got the better of me. I wish I had said more to you before you left, I wanted to tell you about my trip to Japan and about how much I thought you would love it there. I wanted to ask you about your life and get to know you. I hoped that one day we would have built a healthy and good relationship, the chance for you to have your daughters in your life. The way you always wanted.
You were a tortured man, mind and soul. I am sorry. I know people tried to help you, but it never worked out that way.
A few months ago I accidentally deleted all of our messages from Over the past few years. I know that they made me feel horrible when I read them, but at least a part of our relationship lived on.
I sit here thinking about the person I want to be, and about what I need to make me happy. But the truth is that life is hard, so much harder than you think it can ever be. Maybe I’m a tortured soul too.
Tell me about death, do you have any sense of being? Can you feel the warmth of my love even in death? I want you to know that I love you. Even with all the details, all of the history. I still love you and hope that you’re happy.
Do you watch me? I think of you often and sometimes speak to you like you’re there watching over me. I like that thought. A relationship on my terms, you’re here when I want to talk.
Dad, we never got to say goodbye at the wedding. So here is my goodbye, I love you, let’s try this again soon, I want to tell you about my life. Your daughter.
M
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