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Ah. I just realized why mom called me the baddest of her children. When I was a child, I hated my little brother and I pushed him on our stairs. I was really bad. Really really really really bad! I totally deserve being called the baddest of her children. Being called the baddest is an understatement. Being called evil might suit me better.
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Are you still the same child who pushed your brother? Or are you now, in fact, an older, wiser, more compassionate human being?
The fact that you are beating yourself up about this tells me the answer - you know you did wrong, even if at the time you were perhaps too young to Know Better. It also tells me that you are not, in fact, Evil. Truly evil people wouldn't feel remorse.
Bad is a word that can only describe a person's behaviour. It cannot be used to describe a person, because as soon as a person does Good things, they cease to be Bad.
Truly, to be human is to do Good and Bad things. We do Bad things by mistakes, with Good intentions, or Good things for Bad ends, or Bad things for Good reasons.
Your mother made the Number 1 parenting mistake in telling you that you are Bad, and in comparing you with your siblings. That doesn't mean that she is Bad, but it doesn't mean that she was right to say it, either.
Do Good things as best you can, and if your brother is old enough to still remember the incident, apologise to him. That's how we make amends for the Bad things we do in life. And then we move on to do Better.
ReplyCan't say sorry to someone dead my friend. He didn't die of that fall though. He died from a disease when he was a bit older.
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