What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
this feels kinda weird so bear with me (sorry about the length)
i’ve lived in the same area my whole life and grew up extremely homophobic bc of my parents. im female and have a twin brother who came out as gay when we were 14, we were really close and he’s the reason im not homophobic anymore well that and one other thing. he got kicked out when my father found out. even though i still found lgbtq+ kinda strange, i never really judged people for it per say. my father is both mentally and physically abusive, i have no reason to lie on an anonymous website, so i’ve become good at defending myself and im quite good at fighting. i don’t live in a safe neighborhood, so my friends also learned how to fight, i helped them do so. because of them, i have a bad reputation. people are scared of me, but that’s not what i want. i helped them learn so they could protect themselves. instead they threaten people. they became what i was trying to protect them from. i could very easily beat any of them in a one on one, maybe even two of them against me, so they listen when i tell them to stop, but only temporarily. they know that i could never hurt them. we decided to meet on this small road and walk to the theater but when i started approaching them, they were beating someone on the ground. this poor girl was bleeding out of her mouth and nose. i could hear them shouting things at her and they called her a fag multiple times. it ended with me and one of my friends getting in a fist fight. i didn’t genuinely hurt her, but we didn’t end on good terms. they left to go to the theater and i stayed behind to help the girl they beat. she was in pretty bad shape. i got the first aid kit out of the back of my car and helped her. she was so scared when she saw me approaching her. i felt so bad. i gave her my hoodie and a ride home and, after getting shouted at to never go near her again, i left. her mother saw me and assumed that i was the one who hit her daughter. some how my father found out what had happened and was not very happy that i had helped a lesbian girl. i don’t even know why i helped her so much, for some reason seeing her lie there like that made my heart shatter. She knew a lot about me when i had only just learned her name. i was told i had to stay away from her. i wasn’t allowed to go near “someone like that” but the next day she came up to me in the parking lot once our classes were over. she gave me my hoodie back and thanked me. i tried to get her to go away, but i couldn’t just tell her that she’s gay so i can’t be near her. my father found out and, long story short, the next day i had a limp and a not so small hash on my leg. She noticed. and found me at the lake we had stopped at on her way home after the theater incident. she wanted to talk and some how we ended up going for a ride about an hour away. we stopped and got dinner and i honestly had a good time. since then we’ve been hanging out, but not in a way that people we know could see us. it’s been about a month since we started hanging out and she’s such a nice friend. i kinda found out that she’s liked me for a while now, since before i knew her. she thinks i’m a good person, but i’m not. so many people wouldn’t have gotten hurt if i hadn’t helped these girls learn how to fight. the worst part is, i like her. i like her a lot. you could even say i’m in love with her. but i don’t want to get her into trouble. she’s such a lovely person. i could sit and listen to her talk for hours, it doesn’t help that she can play guitar and sing really well. she deserves someone better than a girl who can’t even get the guts to stand up to her father. i don’t want to hurt this girl. she means everything to me. she’s the first thing that’s made me happy since my brother left. i love her so much and i don’t know what to do about it.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Need Help!
My brother is 28 and I'm 26. I recently finished my degree and looking for a job. My brother have not finished his degree yet and not going for a job either. My...
-
need help
i’m feeling like my mental illness has just destroyed my relationships (intimate and work) as well as just the general way i view things. i did start talk...
She sounds worth it. Keep her, if you can. Even if that has to be in secret right now. Remember that this doesn't have to last forever - one day when you're both older you can get away and go somewhere more accepting. Just be with her, be there for her, and let her be the same for you.
Also you're not a bad person for teaching your friends to defend themselves. It's not your burden that they chose to use your teaching for bad rather than good. If possible, maybe teach this girl too - then she'd be able to take care of herself more easily if this happens again in the future.
Reply