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(First of all thank you for taking the time to read all of my messy life and maybe even leaving any advice for me)
I'm just so confused and tired about living lately that I barely even have any energy left at the end of the day because I spend it trying to pretend as if nothing is happening.
I don't even know when this all started and went downhill, I only know that some months ago I was still happy and had the feeling that I finally arrived successfully in the adulthood life.
I think though, It all started at the end of last year when I had a crush on a coworker that joined the company new. I then lost, what I thought were good friends of mine and later on another friend confessed their one sided feelings for me, so i basically lost another good friend. I also had a lot of issues and changes that were going on with my job that I needed to adapt somehow and suddenly I felt so vulnerable and alone with all of this because it felt like everyone was distancing themselves from me or having very high expectations when I needed support the most.
After keeping everything in silence and just trying to Deal with it myself for months i felt so drained, tired and confused that I confessed it to my sister. I had no one else to talk to and I needed someone I can trust. I also told her to not tell anyone and don't make a fuss about it since I needed to get it all under control and get rid of the one sided feelings soon anyways, I just wanted to finally tell someone and enjoy the good feelings for a little time since I always thought I wasn't capable of it.
She broke the promise because some days ago I realized that my parents knew about this all this time. I may be overreacting but telling someone you trust about your mental and emotional state and problems and stuff and then later realizing that she just went and told other people, was just very hurting and disappointing to notice.
And now when I thought I had it all under control and there won't come any more issues to add to it..my mother suddenly is annoyed at me for nothing since some months now although I don't give her any reason to. she is telling me she wants me to go to therapy because she thinks I have an eating problem/disorder and issues about handling myself and my emotions correctly. What am I supposed to say about this?
When people keep telling you you're sick and your mental health is not good it makes me so insecure....i'm really introverted and have issues handling situations sometimes, yes.. but going to a therapist for this? It would make me feel like my life arrived at its lowest...
I did lost some weight, yes.. because all this stress and insecurities got to me. I searched for validation and just want to love myself, and that is not as easy of a journey as everyone says it to be..but everyone has ups and downs...
I just don't know anymore and I don't want to tell anyone anything anymore because I'll just have to deal with this myself since they are my issues and no one really can tell me how to get out of this situation anyways...there is sadly no instructions to how life works..
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Look there's nothing wrong with you nor do you need to feel insecure. I understand the feeling of going crazy especially when people around you are pushing you into treatments and more responsibilities when all you need is someone you trust to genuinely ask "what's wrong?" There's nothing wrong with going to therapy, I go myself and although I have a long way to go, it's nice to have someone that I know won't tell my business to the world. Right now is tough and you seem to have a lot on your plate, but remember, your mental health is your #1 priority, not school, and not any type of drama. Get the help if YOU think you need it.
ReplyFiguring out all that is needed to resolve your concerns without help will be difficult. Consider finding a therapist on your own so that others (mother and sister, etc.) won't bother you about 'how is it going' conversations.
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