Who is the Golden child now?

In late January my husband and I were told that my mom's sister had just died. We were also told she had durable power of attorney over my mother-in-law because she has dementia. The whole family knew for two years and never told us. I was finally told that we were not told when this was happening and needed to get to the dr that we worked. Really?? So you call my sister-in-law who lives in PA that you would give her a plane ticket and a rental car so she could take her to the dr. She declined. My sister-in-law told me that she always told her mom that she would never put her in a home and that whenever they bought a house they made sure there was always room for her mom and that it was all on one floor. When my husband mentioned taking her in there was a no from her saying it was too cold there and that mom wouldn't like it. I mean really?? She doesn't go anywhere. I have no use for the whole stupid family at this point. My husband is only able to go up and visit here and take care of the house and property because she lives three hours away from us. My husband went to here when we found out about her sister and every weekend after. My mother in law was found on the floor a few weeks ago and my husband went straight to the hospital and spent four days there sleeping in her room with her. The night they put her in rehab he came home and then went up again later that day. A week and a half in rehab she gets covid. She seems to be ok right now except for a scratchy throat. My husband got power of attorney over her fortunately before the fall.

We now have to clean out the house. She was a hoarder before the disease. When I first started cleaning a week ago I got angry, frustrated and mad at her. The money she wasted! We offered to help her clean up years ago and wouldn't do it. Now we have to clean up a house that she has almost destroyed by piling things and food and crap all over. I cannot go visit her because I am afraid of being mean to her. She doesn't deserve it because of her condition but I am having a hard time dealing with it. I have already broken down at one of the tours of a memory care facility. My mom had the disease but I wasn't around for all that my sister took care of and I always thanked her for taking care of mom but I don't think I fully understood all that she went through until now. It may or may not have been the same. But I am angry at the mother in law. I am angry at myself because I am supposed to support my husband and I do respect her because she is his mom but I am just having a hard time dealing with all this.

I hope no one else has to deal with this at the time of their loved one's illness or death. I wish people would think about what they put their families through when they leave this kind of mess.