I exist but I've no purpose

After a long time, passing through a lot, ending up sick by genetic and hard experiences, I am today facing the consequences of distress in a nervous system damaged by prolongued distress in the past.

I am taking escitalopram 20mg and doing therapy twice per month (it's expensive). My therapist is on vacation until June 21st. So all that is clear.

I was focused on getting back my health which is not possible, so I accepted between tears my new way of life. But, I have no help from others or government. So I have to face daily life like anyone else with my nervous system not functioning like anyone else healthy. Is VERY hard. It manages your mood, your vital energy, and I almost have forbidden to get stressed, which in this current Era is like: "yeah, sure." LOL

so I live like a Zen Master (or at least I try), but time to time a situation is overwhelming even if I intellectually understand is not. But my body respons to the chemicals my nervous system spreads *sighs*.

I was fighting it but now, is not the way. So I turned into spiritual fields, I recovered my connection with God, Jesus and all that. Still, doesn't mean more of what I already have, except to fulfil my heart with love and gratitude, and become my only comfort in difficult times. Doesn't change my reality miraculously, but keeps me on the track for not losing my mind. Some people think if they turn into spiritual activity they would be heald.. ma'am, this is not a business trade lol ~

But curious thing, I'm feeling better after writing this lines. I didn't imagine this. That I could feel better by writing here.

I still didn't find my purpose =/

I can't get an answer... what should I do about it, because in the meantime, I have to survive (to work yo buy food, clothes, my dog's food, etc.)

I expect tips maybe? On how to find a purpose and be sure about it is our purpose.

Xoxo