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I think I’ve put on a mask for others who see me. I’m stubborn, annoying, and don’t really care what other people tell me. However, if you tell me something like, “Nobody cares about you/your feelings,” or, “You should’ve just kept your feelings to yourself,” I’ll believe you. I try to tell everyone else that I’m fine, and I don’t need help, but I do. I help others when they feel down, I should be able to ask them for help, but I can’t. They’re probably busy. I don’t want to disturb them. They need help more than I do. I’m probably just overreacting, it’s nothing. I can’t even sleep. Whenever I do sleep, it’s not a lot. I fall asleep around 4-5am, if ever. I’m too fat, too. Yeah, I’ve thought about self-harm, but I’ve never actually gone through with it! Haha!
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You can ask for help on this platform, get it, and then reject it if does not resonate with you. This marvelously complicated and powerful thinking instrument of yours (your brain / mind) can get you into trouble, suggest that you are not worthy, and can be the major cause of depression and anxiety. It is also your window to experiencing the world in the best possible light and all that it has to offer.
All thought, just like the ones you just shared, come and go. Most are uninvited, stay too long, and return too often. Their arrival does not automatically make them meaningful. Have you not had thoughts that linger for a minute and are replaced with another without any notice. Those thoughts you gave nothing. It was like they were presented in a language you do not understand. However, those that grab your attention and get the added story with some emotion has been energized enough to stay with you. It does not matter if the thought is healthy, pleasurable, unwanted or down right dangerous.
You are not your thoughts, you are not the brain / mind that has these thoughts. You are the one who decides (deliberately or unknowingly) which thoughts will get further attention. Learning to understand and manage this flow of thoughts is probably the important thing you can do to enhance the quality of your life. I'll say more if you want me to.
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