What i'm like

Everyday I constantly have to remind myself that not everyone is as cold-hearted (ish) and cynical as I am. Certain people WANT others to remember their birthdays, and show up to their special events and support them, and they want others to show and tell them that they love them. That's just...not me.

I could care less if anyone remembers my birthday. I don't care if I'm running for president, if you don't show up for any of my speeches, then that's okay. If every single person that I know called me up and told me that they didn't mess with me anymore- if my own mother told me to my face that she didn't love me anymore, I'd be unfazed.

Maybe I'm weird? Or off? Emotions that a "normal" person would have, I simply don't. I had some good news recently and I was just...blank faced about it someone had asked me: "how come you're not happy? Is this the extent of your joy?"

I didn't want to tell them all that I'm telling you now, but if I were to answer those questions I'd say: "I'm never happy". That's the truth by the way.

I recently did some "soul searching" and I tried to think back to every positive thing that's happened in all of my 23 years of life and...I can't find one happy moment. In truth, I'm never happy, I've never been happy, and honestly...I don't think I ever will be.

I'm not sure if it's because of the depression, I'm just emotionally dead inside, or because I know how my story will end, but that's simply the fact. Happy has never been a real emotion for me.

For you that may sound depressing right? For; it's just another day.