i think my parents found my wax pen😭

idk i think when i was rushing to my appointment i left it under my pillow and when i came home my pillows were organized and my pen was missing. i mean i get it if they’re worried about me but i dont abuse it rlly. i give myself breaks and only take it in the night to sleep or when i get rlly anxious in public i find that it actually helps me be less self centered. idk i also feel like i slowly started finding myself more when i started smoking mj. it also made me more creative and get rid of “writers block” and “artist block” lol. i even started getting good grades, all a’s and b’s. and before, i did horrible in three classes like every year but i passed them this year with either an a or b. and im really proud of that actually. no one else gives a shit but i will always be proud of myself for that. i think the only negative thing is that i did sorta become dependent on it tho ig. like i have an eating disorder and sleep problems but im not so sure if its related to it that much cuz i already had said problems even before i started smoking. and dont say “u shouldve told ur parents” cuz i tried😂. ugh idk how to explain it to my parents tho fr, i dont think they’ll understand. they never try to understand my problems. im literally like the middle child stereotype. they dont give a shit about me until it benefits or detriments them. i know they wont let me continue smoking, atleast not under their house. i just get so stressed, like rn im stressing sm cuz they havent talked to me yet. idk what theyll say or what. i already used the “its not mine” excuse even tho it rlly wasnt mine and i didnt use it. i know they won’t believe me. its cuz ugh how could they go to sleep knowing that? and its making me panic so much i might not even sleep tonight cuz i cant stop thinking about it. they’ll probably ground me or something. ugh i wish i were old enough to rent an apartment.