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I am a conservative person who's in a relationship with a guy that isn't like me. He and I are different and opposite in many ways. I believe in the sanctity of marriage while he doesn't. He wants me to be out of my shell but I always refuse whenever I don't feel comfortable and that always starts an argument. He thinks that I don't trust him enough and that I always doubt his intentions. I know for myself that if I do something in his will, I might regret it someday. I'm not trying to be clean or being righteous, but I always stand on my virtue. I love him very much but as days pass by, I asks my self if the love we have would be enough to remain in this tiring and sometimes suffocating relationship. I'm a woman with words and I honor and value promises I made, and so is he. I thought if I choose to leave him, he will become the worst man and a monster, and the woman who would dare enter into his life would suffer because of the pain I inflicted on him. I wanted to talk to anyone so bad on what I'm supposed to do. Shall I break my promise of loving him forever or just leave him? I don't see myself loving the same intensity with another man if ever I get to choose on breaking up with him. Should I just forget my belief and virtue just to make this relationship work?
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Should you be with someone who puts you the position of questioning your values?
Sure live is about compromise but you should never have to compromise who you are to be with someone so if you both can't accept each other for who you are then the relationship is destined to fail, you'll eventually become resentful of each other and that's not healthy.
If you think that you can both take a step back and decide "hey, I fell in love with this person because of WHO they are, I'm going to accept that we are both different and not try to turn them into something they're not" then great, stick at it and good luck to you but ultimately you should never be in a relationship with the intent to change a person, people change and grow naturally iver time but it is never something that should be forced for fear of losing someone.
ReplySince I have become more Conservative myself I believe that somebody who shares my core values and principles is the most important thing to look for when searching for a life partner.
I dont think this situation will not get better by itself. I think you know what you want to do about it. The way he reacts isn't your fault.
And when you say, "he doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage"... that would be the ultimate 'promise of loving him forever'... so if you're both serious about the promise. I assume you're married or will be married?
Or, he wants to be with you forever but not married?
ReplyFirst off, no. If you aren't comfortable as a person he needs to respect your boundaries. Cause if he doesn't than in a way he doesn't respect you. Life is too short to be living like that and I can confidently say the odds of you finding a better match for you are pretty good. It is indeed possible. Take it from someone who struggles with major depression/anxiety/PTSD and broke off his engagement because of a similar reason and now met a wonderful woman that I feel like I waited my whole life to meet. Life works in mysterious ways and honestly if he turns out like that its not your fault. You are not his caretaker, you are his partner his equal. If he falls apart that's not on you. True character is shown through adversity. He will hurt for some time but if he is a good man than he'll be alright. But if you believe he'd harm someone else than that's all the more reason not to be with him.
ReplyYou sound young. Iād advise talking to an older person, mentor, maybe priest or pastor? who can appreciate the nuance of relationships and help you to understand yourself within the context of this relationship.
ReplyLonger term, most relationships which last, are ones where you both have more similar fundamental values. Otherwise it will be a constant battle of opposites.
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