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nearly everyday i am reminded that i am a motherless daughter. and i often feel that’s all i am. a shell of a human being, a broken piece of a puzzle that won’t fit back into the picture. the day my mother died, so did my innocence, my childhood, and sometimes i feel my will to go on died too. i feel lost, stuck, and trapped in that day and i frequently worry that i will be forever. i fear that i will never be loved like that ever again, unconditionally and with a whole heart and soul. i miss who i was before, i look in the mirror and often don’t even know who the girl is looking back at me. she’s not who i want to be and i don’t think i like her very much. she’s beat down, a burden, and exhausted. she has no purpose. i feel unfixable, a lost cause and the worst part is; i’ve accepted that. sometimes though, i think i see the light at the end of the tunnel, i can see the girl that i miss so much. but every time i get close it was just a burning flame that dies out and she runs away.
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You are growing up and at a stage in your life where you feel like you are beaten down, a burden, and tired with no purpose. But you will pass through this phase and you plus things will change. It is your life and up to you to do what you want with it.
ReplyI'm sorry about your mother. The one piece of advice I would give is not to think about it as trying to get back to the person you were before, but instead try and move forwards to become the person you want to be. They may be two very similar people, but moving forwards will allow you to take the memory of your mother with you and become stronger for it, whereas no matter how much you want to, you'll never be able to go back to a past version of yourself
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