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Is it wrong of me to no longer want a friendship with someone who showed me that I didn’t matter and made me feel worthless?
The reason I ask is because this person keeps telling my family members that they “miss” me. The only response I can muster up is, “I’m sorry.” I honestly find that extremely hard to believe. When I was going though some tough times, this person was no where to be found. When I tried to reach out, I was dismissed and ignored. I thought we were best friends up until that point.
Now, I am living my best life. I couldn’t be happier and I’m doing that without any friends. I had to learn to live life without support from others and that is what I am used to now. I don’t need or miss any of them anymore. I did miss them for a very long time. But they showed me where I stood with them, so I eventually got over my feelings and dismissed them like everyone else.
I forgave them long ago and have never spread rumors or wished any ill-will toward them. I just don’t want them in my life or bothering my family. Now, my life is too good to allow people that make me feel unwanted and worthless in it. I do not deserve to deal with their criticism, judgement, bullying, or ridiculous rumors. I am good enough. I am wanted. I have never been worthless. And, I am loved exactly the way I am.
So why do I feel like I am the bad guy?
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Keep going with your life. They tried to sabotage your happiness and overall well-being. You've made peace with them as you want to, so that settles it.
ReplyNo one is entitled to your friendship. You are absolutely allowed to cut out people if the relationship isn’t working for you.
ReplyIt is not wrong at all. Even if, let's say, this person did love you, honestly cared for you, just wanted the best for you and thought they were making you stronger- intentions do not justify effects. They left you alone when you needed them, and it's valid to be hurt about that. It takes strength to recognise that some people weren't good for you and frankly, cut them out. I'm proud of you. Know your own self worth and stand up for it.
And sometimes it means being the bad guy. It's not selfish to want happiness. Nor is it selfish to want to be loved. It is not rude to shut out the people who have hurt you (no matter whether or not their intentions were good) and it is not mean to cut ties with people you once loved, and might still love, but have proven that they don't love you. Because you deserve to be treated well, but sometimes you have to be the bad guy for that. The bad guy who shuts people who haven't treated you well out, who picks and chooses people who are good for you, who doesn't bend over backwards trying to please others. As with all things, there's a balance to it. Solely chasing your own ideal life regardless of how everyone around you feels about it or hurting the people around you would be an extreme. But simply cutting people out for the sake of your own well-being- there's nothing wrong with that.
If I were you, I'd gather the courage to talk with this person for one last time. I'd tell them how exactly they have hurt me, and why I no longer wish to be friends. Maybe, in the future, when you've strengthened your sense of self worth, you might consider starting over again with them- but no guarantee. Because you aren't obligated to be their friend. And you aren't obligated to comfort them when you aren't friends. Nor are you obligated to care for their feelings. Pick your words so that you aren't picking a fight or being needlessly harsh, but don't sugarcoat it or beat around the bush or compromise on what you want. I'd suggest giving some time to think over what exactly you want (eg if you want them to stop saying they miss you, to give you space, not to badger you daily whether you're ready to be friends again etc). Remember that it's not selfish to want to be happy- and sometimes, it really does mean you should cut the people who have ruined that out of your life, because, at the end of the day, you can't make everyone happy
ReplyYou are NOT the bad guy---you grew up and moved on! Nothing to be ashamed about!! GOOD FOR YOU---you go, guy/gal!! Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
ReplyThank you all for your opinions filled with kind words and encouragement. ❤️🥰 I hope you all have a blessed and beautiful day!
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