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School reopens tomorrow.... And I barely had the energy to get up from a nap today.... It's my final year, trials are around the corner and I haven't even thought of which college/university I want to apply to.
I feel so pressured... My marks are disgusting.... I have no energy to do anything...
I have five pets that need my full attention: three birds and two bunnies. No one else in my house knows how to care for them properly because I've been doing it alone and learning their routines for three years straight now since the lockdown started. There are times I regret getting them but then I remember that if I hadn't, they'd be either seriously neglected or abused....
There's so much going on in my life and I can barely keep up.... My depression and anxiety just seem to get worse everyday. I'm always on edge about the tiniest things but I have no energy to do anything about it...
I'm so sick and tired of living.... But if I leave who's going to care for my babies? I don't want to live but I'm scared of dying. I can't take it anymore. I've been enduring this for years but now I genuinely question if I can really do it for much longer....
I can't talk to anyone because I know they're just gonna brush it aside like they've always done. I also don't want to bug my parents to get me a therapist because I know they're already struggling financially... And I'd rather them use that money for our pets...
I'm just so tired.... I just want everything to end.... I wish there was a way I could just disappear.... Not like that would make my situation any better... But I just want some time to breathe..... Is that too much to ask for?
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I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless. Trying to decide about your future and how you want to spend your last year in high school (I presume), on top of caring for the house animals, must be exhausting.
Because this is your last year of high school, I want you to make the most of it and enjoy yourself. If you don't have any hobbies or friends already, this is the time to discover yourself and what kind of person you want to be, especially if you plan to go to college. And I know how stressful it can be — but if you don't give it a try then how will you know whether you will like it or not? Finding a job at this time can be helpful, too.
It's very compassionate of you to take care of the family pets, and I want you to get the rest you need at the same time. Do you have any siblings who help out taking care of the pets? How about any family friends or neighbors who wouldn't mind helping out? I think you shouldn't put the burden all on yourself, and if you absolutely have and are willing to, you could send your pets to homes where they can receive more attention.
As far as finding a therapist goes, you can visit https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/ where you can talk to a therapist for free on the phone for thirty minutes at a time if you ever need someone to talk to. Do you or your parents work? Are there any insurance options available so you could access therapy?
Even when it feels hard sometimes, do your best not to give up. And always know there's someone who cares for you.
ReplyThank you so much for this<3 novni has been my only therapy for a while now and I thought I'd never find any other help...
As for my pets, my birds don't need as much care as my bunnies. I've only gotten them recently while I've had my birds for years and they don't need me to run behind them constantly
It's my first time raising bunnies and I thought it would make me feel better but with my current situation it's much more stressful...
My mum helps me with them but she's not young... And I feel guilty for burdening her with that stress especially when I need to study
The other day however my mum gave me an option... She said she'd help me find the right people who'd adopt both my bunnies and take good care of them
As painful as it is gonna be to let them go, I honestly feel like it would be best for both me and them...
One huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders... The only thing I need to worry about now is my burnout and how I'm gonna break out of it for my studies...
Once again I'm truly grateful thank you!
ReplyYou're most certainly welcome. It may be painful to see your bunnies go, but I hope you can find the right people who can adopt them and give them the right atmosphere. And take your burnout a little at a time as you go through school — we can all get in that place sometimes and need to rest. How are things going with school so far?
ReplySchool is still a little stressful... Trials are around the corner, and I wasn't too worried about that at first, however about a week back I visited a college for an application appointment. I feel a little more pressure to do better now.... That burnout is still there too and I think overall that's the main cause of my anxiety right now
ReplyRelatable. It's okay. Therapist might be one of the best way in order to help ourselves to get better. But as I am too, a student and struggling with financial problems, you know what, we gotta be a little bit more tougher and just find an alternative to get better on our own. Like being here, writing stuff, it's one of the many methods to unwind our mind and feelings too. Be gentle with your soul. Be truth to yourself. Don't sugarcoat the problems. I would say, have some strength to get better by any positive means. Get enough sleep, eat well, drink well, exercise or walk a bit. May everything gets better soon or later.
ReplyThank you, genuinely. This helped a lot
And yes hopefully everything will get better... I'll try my best till then! And I hope all your problems will be solved soon too <3
ReplyHii, I've also felt like this during my last year and without knowing it my exams came and ended so fast. My grades were also terrible but my parents were okay about it because they knew I was struggling. so my dear please talk to someone you know that can support you and be there for you to lean on. It is okay to feel tired and want everything to end, please don't stress too much about it to have very bad thoughts because I too had those taughts but at the end of it all everything ended so quickly. Just occupy yourself and do positive things to keep your mind afloat and also surround yourself with people who will support you and make your day bright and filled with warmth, make sure to laugh and enjoy yourself within the process. You got thisss!!!!
ReplyThank you so much! A ton of weight has lifted off my shoulders knowing someone understands me. I'll try my best to live happily!
Again thank you <3
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