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Crisis mode (I want to murder the god that decided I'd be AFAB)
1 year ago · 2 · transgender, +2
336
Did anyone else convince themself they were special and puberty wouldn't happen to them when they found out what it was? Well I did and just prayed other people would see it that way too, so naturally when it happened to me I went into strong denial. Now here I am, being on day 10 of having a period. Usually I'm done by day 6 or 7 at the very least and it's only heavy on 2 or 3 of the days, so this is pretty unusual as it is DAY 10 and has been going quite strong for probably a week now? I'm panicking and had a *mild* breakdown earlier today because if there is something wrong with me and this isn't a strange one-off then I'll have to bring this up to my family and I think it'd be my last straw to just-- feel other people identifying this bloody mess as something that belongs to ME, and it feels (I emphasise "feels") like the only way to avoid being "a girl with girl problems" is to come out to legitimise my identity (which yeah sure nobody will take seriously anyways). For it to be seen as 'my' period, even though it's something I neither want, need, and in fact makes me feel really terrible for 1/4th of the year not just because of the fact that it's really inconvenient and uncomfortable but also "women's health". I don't want to admit something like this to anyone- it's the nail in the coffin of the notion that I could've been "special". I don't want anyone, doctors included, imagining my genitals or anything else about me I don't want them actively thinking of. I don't want my body scanned in any way. The idea of even bringing this up to someone feels suffocating, terrifying, like I'm going to die any moment now- but if this continues like it is I'll have to do it for my health. Please gods I'm sorry for everything I've done, please don't make this a big deal for I will not be able to handle being the wrong kind of "special". How can I even begin to bring this up when I can't even say the word "period" aloud??? Some people have it way worse yet I'm capped at day 10 of hell, it feels like it's never going stop and it's going to bleed me dry.
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Your period has gone on for too long so please go to a doctor. By the way there is only one God.
ReplyDo you have any advice on how to like-- bring it up? I can't even-- say the words as of now. [Also, I am a Hindu so I hope we can agree to disagree on the god thing]
Reply