Sharing my feelings and hoping for love

I have known a female friend of mine in university for the past 4 years. We were very close. I enjoyed her company and wanted the best for her and still do. I even wanted to hitch her up with one my cousins just so she could be a part of my family.

We used message and talk all the time. Sometimes on texts sometimes over call.

She started texting a guy from her school who studies abroad. She liked him and chatted with him but did not want to be in a relationship with him at that time.

I'm an agreeable person and empathetic to the point of self harm. I go out of my way and cause harm to myself to keep someone happy. You'll understand it when I describe the scenario below.

I felt bad for the guy. As he had a crush on her since school and never had the courage to ask her out. So I told her not to break her his heart. If she was interested to pursue him if not tell him honestly and not break his heart. I don't even know the guy.

Fast forward a few months later I had a fight with her and did not speak to her for 4 months. These 4 months were extremely difficult for me. In my mind I was blaming her as she stonewalled me and dropped me because she found a guy.

But after four months I was told by a mutual friend that she cried alot when we fought. That crushed me. A few days later I patched up with her and we started joking and being close friends again. That's when I realised what she meant to me. I realised I was suffering because I was in love with her and couldn't recognize my feelings.

So as our exams are going on I thought I'd tell her my feelings after the exams. But in the mean time she officially started dating that guy. I was heartbroken but congratulated her and felt good for the guy.

But two days later I started having panic attacks. I meditate regular and sometimes have some realisation. While meditating I was telling myself from the inside when would I stop harming myself for making others happy ? I love her. I know her for the past 4 years. I don't know the guy. He might love her too but I honestly don't care anymore.

I plan on meeting her next week. I plan to tell her my feelings and let her know. I know she'll reject me but I want to get it off my chest and atleast share my feelings for once. I plan to tell her that I like her and want to be more than friends. Seeing her with that guy crushes me, so I want to stop contact with her.

But in the back of my mind I want her to express her love for me too.