My Unsent Letter

Summer. I miss you. We have drifted apart and I can clearly see that. I don't think it's anyones fault but maybe just it's been a good time and that's that. We still have a couple years left of having to be around each other. I don't want to lose you. I've known you for 4 years and they have been the best 4 years and the worst. You stuck with me even when I left you out to be with another friend. I don't deserve you. I push people away until I have no one. I wish I didn't and I hate that I'm doing it to you too. I am happy you got into a loving relationship as young as we are, but I can't help be jealous of the fact we don't see each other, we don't do anything together, we don't hang out together. It's been 4 years and I've never even been inside your house. I feel shut out and I think I understand how it felt when I did the same to you. I'm sorry for that. I can't help but feel as if I'm picked up and dropped whenever convenient for you. You are a dry texter until it comes to your issues or when you want something such as hair advice from my mother or when your boyfriend isn't around. Before school in the mornings it's as if I only exist when your boyfriend isn't there. I hate the feeling of being tugged back and forth when you want me. You may be the only friend I have within my area and it hurts I'm losing you. I have loved the memories we have made together and the years we did have because you have been there the whole time and I appreciate that. I love you but its a shame it isn't working very well at the moment. I have spoken to you about all only to have your issues thrown in my face again. I really do understand you're struggling with family things, but we both are. I feel like the relationship is very one sided and that kind of hurts. I could tell you all that's going on in my life but that is 2 years worth of information I don't have the energy to give. Thank you for being there for the most part, I hope things get better but I'm going to start moving on. If your relationship doesn't work out.. don't blame me for not being there. Apologies. <3