A letter to someone who will never read it

I have committed a grave sin. That's right I stole your identity. Everyday I find myself looking at different people and think, hey that's something you would do. I am tired of wanting to think you are in everyone that you are the most perfect person to ever exist (not anymore). I adored coffee especially the one you made for me, but after your death it tasted so bitter I could hardly look at it with something I adored. Days past and I wanted to taste the coffee you made for me the perfect taste. I have been practicing I made a cup of coffee really close to your taste. You were asexual, recently I found out I am too after taking sessions of therapy (not as helpful as when I talked to you) I use your Google account to think you are alive. I find new things about you everyday. Your room is the same as I to was, that untouched basketball still remains untouched in the same position. Your sister has been coping okay so has your boyfriend and parents, not me though. It's not your fault. I wish you would read this I really do but you can't, that's why am writing it here even though several strangers will read it I think I'll find solace what if by some miracle you do too? There is nothing more I want to do but talk about your death with you. Everyday I open our texts to find out I can't and so I tried but I couldn't unsave your number you know? Anyways I read the incomplete book you were writing, it's really good I want to know what happened next, I can compete it because we decided we both will become writers and be neighbours, but I can't complete it, it remains unfinished like your story and mine ( it's not an us). It's not possible for both of us to be writers, I can't pursue it without you. I have become like you, I talk like you, I want to become you. I wish I would think of someone that wasn't you. It pains me to know there is nothing I could do to make you stay. I am becoming more like adults, the people you hate. They value logical thinking and gain over emotions, I can't be a writer because it's risky. I can't move forward a part of me still lingers with you but the part that remains with me has become someone you will never accept with you. They are right people meant to be died together, we did too that version fo me died when you did. I am tired I can't walk on this road. I have become the person you hate the most and I can't change. I am sorry.