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I have no one to Talk to , So I'm here to make myself feel like someone is listening to me .
I'm lonely and I'm the one who chose to be This way But I hate it . I chose loneliness over keeping hypocrite and toxic people out of my life.
For example, Lately some guy showed interest in me and he wanted to go out with me But He showed some red flags so I dropped him and blocked him so He won't contact me again . I Know very well That if we keep on talking , We would never match and Im the one who will get hurt at the end But My attachement issues are making me feel guilty , My inner thoughts are killing me , The voice in my head is telling me that I will be lonely again .
I know the problem .. I know it is because I have spent years in my life in a complete loneliness so Im afraid of it But i also kind of hate it But I can't accept whoever in my life in order to proctect myself from emotional damage .
It is complicated But This is how I feel .
Any advice ? Should I feel guilty over throwing people that I don't feel comfrotable with But dealing with loneliness ?
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There's a difference between loneliness and being alone
During lockdown i felt very lonely cuz i had just completed my school and all my school friends started to fade away and i felt very lonely and sad. I had so many insecurities like people dont like me , they only want favours, they're not my real friends
I wasted many months like that and i kinda stopped caring about others and started to work on myself, before i used to be people pleaser but after i started to put myself as the first priority and not caring about others helped me grow in life
I'm a much different person now then i use to be one year ago and i Dont know why i started to attract good people into my life but i Don really feel like talking with anyone
And sometimes i feel bad that people are putting so much effort and i have become so cold they are getting attached easily but i dont feel the same for them
I feel bad for doing so but my peace is more important.
ReplyNo need to feel guilty. I had same situation like you. I spent a lot of years in loneliness as people don't want to be friends with me and even if I had friends we were never close. I felt lonely and was kinda used to it but I always thought of having good people in my life or person whom I can share my every thought. So in my High school a guy started hitting on me. We started talking and after months of knowing him and deciding if I should accept him or not I accepted him just because I felt like he listen to me and he is that person to whom I can share my every thoughts. But you know after I got into relationship he changed. He treated me like trash for years. I was lonely and manipulated and gaslighted by him so I was not able to leave him for years but finally I left him. So I just wanted to tell you that there will be a point in your loneliness where you want a person to be with you and that's the phase where you may get attached to toxic person as I did. But if you did as you told that you blocked the one who showed red flags then it was the right thing to do. Even in the loneliness if you are able to do this then it's a very good thing. You don't need to feel guilty for your attachment issues. It's better to stay lonely than with toxic people. After my breakup I became lonely again but now i feel much better. So it's better to push people away who seems toxic.
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