What are you looking for?
3 months ago · · Relationship,
I had a dream last night. We were in the car together, he was driving. A train went by with something written on it about someone else and he laughed, in a judgy way. After it passed, he took off his seatbelt and floored it across the intersection and straight through a guard rail, over a cliff. I was screaming for him to put his seatbelt back on. He looked over at me with love and tried to hold my hand, I took it. I realized that the seatbelt wouldn't make a difference. We were over the edge and nothing could save us. I was going down with him too. I had a feeling that I might possibly survive, but certainly not unscathed.
I know dreams are all about metaphors. A car crashing over a cliff, into water is one of my biggest fears. Our lives will be shattered. He made the uncharacteristic, risky, dangerous decision. And it is going to destroy us, hurt him extremely, and hurt me very badly as well. He still loves me and wants to show that everything will be OK. Pretend that it will be back to normal soon. And I couldn't deny holding his hand back, trying to make him safe, even as I was going down too.
But it's done, we are now mid-air, and the only thing to do is wait for impact and deal with the aftermath. And as much as we both want everything to be as it was before, it's not possible to undo or forget what happened. There will be scars, there will be irrevocable damage, things will never be the same.