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I thought that things would go back to how they were before. I thought we would be able to get past this phase that we have. But that's what I get for thinking too much. Even when I try to help by being useful and doing everything I should do as a woman it all just makes everything worse. Maybe I just can't do anything right, if something bad happens to him or if he loses his job, it would be because of me. All because I'm too dumb and slow-minded why can't I be better why do I have to be this way what's wrong with me? I would never be able to be someone's wife because I can't even listen to my own boyfriend when he talks to me. Who what's to be married to a woman that can't even take the time out of her day to listen to her love? I have a reason why I do not listen to him sometimes I will just be in my own world worrying about my problems like what he's saying isn't really that bad which is something that I shouldn't do. But it's like he doesn't even notice that I'm in pain and breaking down slowly right in front of him. This is the reason why no one ever stays with me they all just walk out on me, but I can't really blame them I mean look at myself, of course, no one would want to stay with someone like me. I don't even know why he stays with me. I'm not good at anything I can't even do the most basic stuff, it's like all the fighting just brought us back to how we used to be. Always fighting, barely talking to each other, and always sleeping all day when we are both in the house just so one of don't say something dumb and we start fighting. We both are just back into our own little worlds we just starting to break down the wall that was making a space between us. But this time it's a new wall that's being built and the difference between this new wall and the old one is that this wall can't be broken down as easily as the first wall. I was just starting to get better starting to feel stronger and better about myself as a person. But the fighting every day had to start over and just make me start to feel like I did before worthless and just a waste of space on this place we call earth. Am I back to being that person that I hate the person I don't even know anymore? I REALLY HATE MYSELF I JUST WANT TO DIE. I try to do everything I can to make him happy, but it seems to only make him mad and yell at me more, how can I mess something like this up I should know how to treat my boyfriend I should know how to love him how can I fuck something that easy up. Why can't I just be normal is that too much to ask? Why can't I act like a girl, dress like a girl do my makeup, and just always want to dress up and go out? why must I be this way instead? I would rather run away to get dirt on my hands and play sports than worry about what shoes should I wear with an outfit and watch YouTube videos on how to do my makeup. I will rather be basic than show my body online or twerk just so people can notice me. NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO WANT TO STAY WITH ME. He tells me that he loves me, and he never going to leave me, but his action speaks different. It's like I know that he loves me in do want to be there for me and with me, but at the sometimes I also feels like his just bored of me. I really don't want things to go back to how they were before. Like were together but strangers at the sometime. I don't know if we every going get better in be happy for real. Right now, it's like we both are going down a hill headfirst and there's nothing but bad luck waiting at the bottom for us.
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Hi there,
I just want to say that i know how you feel. I’ve been there. He didn’t even notice that over the years, he shattered me to pieces. Years went by as i tried to endure things by myself. I became more insecure, questioning my own judgement, and depressed. It all changes yesterday, when he found out that I’ve been pouring my hearts out to a friend of mine. He thought I was cheating on him. So i told him everything, all of my pains that I’ve held throughout the years. He cried and feel betrayed also. But mostly, he cried because he didn’t know that his words could be that powerful and destroyed me. You should talk with him, he might understand. But you should know that you are a great person, you can do anything😊
ReplyI try to talk to him but that dont change anything he just makes it all about him. Or he just says that I always say the somethings that its nothing new he makes me feel like I cant even talk to him.
ReplyYou do not love yourself. There wasn't a single good word written about you. Who told you that you have to do make-up and wear dresses? People love you not because of the appearance but because you are you. You need to find another boyfriend. And you need therapy too in order to find a good man.
ReplyWhat is wrong with you? You must be angry about something to be trying to destroy this person? I think we can all see now, they are a better person than you.
Replywhat do you mean by this?
ReplyI work in an area near water and often, during the warmer months, I hear folks explain how they are looking forward to the weekend so they can go fishing. During the cooler months, I hear them talk about going home to have a beer and catch a game. I'm friends with these people but I don't fish, I don't drink beer, and I don't watch ball games. On the flipside, of course, I'm looking forward to activities that I enjoy but I know the others would not have a care in the world for them. And guess what? That's ok. Everyone is different. We all like different things. I also worked with a guy who became a really, really good friend of mine. When new hires came through, we used to speak about these ladies and talk about the ones we found attractive. It never failed - we always liked completely different girls. If I found one to be attractive, he certainly did not find her attractive. And, vice versa, of course.
My point here, I suppose, is that we're all different, we all enjoy different activities, and we all have different tastes in clothing. There is no right or wrong. It's just what you enjoy.
In my area, I know most of the men would prefer to have a girl who is ok to go out and float the river, go fishing, go camping, mud riding on ATVs, etc. They don't bat an eye at girls who seemingly have spent have a day getting ready.
I think it's important you remain true to who you are. Dress the way you like, do the activities you enjoy, etc. If this is going to be too much for your boyfriend to handle, it may be time to call it off. You're only dating, after all, it's not a marriage. That's what dating is all about, getting to know each other better so you'll know if you want to spend the rest of your lives together. There comes a time when you either agree that you both are happy and you want to spend your lives together or you both agree that you'd both be happy with someone else. There's no shame in that.
My wife and I have activities that we enjoy doing together but we also have activities that the other doesn't care for. This is far, far from end of the world kind of stuff. She likes activities that I don't care for so we just make time for her to go and do those things alone, or with friends, while I stay at home. Same goes for me. I trample off to do my thing from time to time and she stays home. When I return, she asks if I had a good time. I don't think you have to have 100% similar interests. My wife and I are quite different from one another. She's very spontaneous, I'm a planner, for example. That list goes on and one and on. Play off those strengths. When we are interested in vacation, she knows I'm the one to investigate options, crunch numbers, and provide her with the information so we can, together, make a decision. I don't mind planning these things out but she hates it so why wouldn't I do it? On days I'm not feeling well, I may express that and she can, on a whim, come up with something fun for us to do that day/night. She asks me to "unplug" so we can go have a meal and then come home to have drinks while visiting and listening to music. (I know I said I don't like beer and that is true, it's true for my wife as well, but we do like liquor so enjoy mixed drinks from time to time.).
Sometimes, I'm feeling overwhelmed and my wife helps me get through it. Sometimes, she's feeling overwhelmed and I help her get through it. It's great that you're trying to help your boyfriend when life is beating him up, but it's important that he understand when you aren't feeling well too. In that, he should understand what you're dealing with, he should really understand why it's bothering you, and he should be there to help you through it even if that means just letting you vent about a situation.
I hope that, in time, you'll learn to accept the fact that just because you are different from the girls you are comparing yourself to, doesn't mean you are better or worse than they are....at anything. In time, it could be that you find friends who have similar interests as you and I would imagine this would help you to feel better. Outside of that, it sounds like you really need to sit and have a heart to heart with the boyfriend so you two can decide if you're dealing with minor bumps you can work through or if this just isn't going to work out. It's important that he understand, really understand, that you need support from him as well.
No matter what happens, many of us are out here wishing you best!
Good Luck!
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