<1> J - n.s

A little something about myself. I'm an Asian girl, barely legal yet. You can say that I can be very negative about things, I overthink a lot and I have anxiety. I love traveling a lot, I can say that I'm rather adventurous. I'll not mention so much names as I do not want my friends to know about this post.

So it all started when I went for an overseas school study trip. I went with an open heart and an open mind. Ready to explore and experience a new culture. First day went well, I loved the weather day. It's so cold and the buildings are beautiful; the alleys, the bricked walls. Everything was just perfect!

On the second day, I don't know why, I looked weird. I had my dark lipstick on, my big black coat, black jeans... I just looked homeless with a beanie on too.

So we had to finish a project after the trip and back to homeland. The school brought us to an university to allow us to get interviews with the students there and also a tour around the university.

Is this how I first met him, the group of us, walked into their facilities, and he was the first person that caught my eyes. This short, yet skinny guy, which we will call him, J. So J was with his other friends welcoming us as we settled down. My eyes was stuck to him. Deep down I felt that he was really cute. He had this mysterious feel that makes me want to know him. So my friends sitting beside me were whispering that the tallest guy among the uni students, is the cutest and I disagreed with her saying that J was cute. My eyes was glued to him. I don't know what but I was admiring him and I told my groupmates that we have to interview him. And yes, we did. We managed to grab him. So I put down my phone on his chair's arm rest and started recording what he said. Oh gosh. His voice. It's so sweet. It wasn't that deep but it sounded really mature. His accent, oh gosh. All I can say is that he was perfect. I was really blushing that my closest friend had to tell me to snap out of it. And I was embarrassed like... How am I suppose to hide my feelings? Oh no, it was a few minutes since I met him.

We took a picture together, as a group. I wasn't beside him :( One of the picture taken was taken when his eyes were closed. It's so funny and cute HAHA

So after the interviews, we were brought around the campus. But, there were only 5 uni students and 6 groups. Since my group was the last one, we had to be spilt up. When the in charge told my group that, the team already went off. And everyone in my group chose the other team. And I, was in the same group as my seniors.... With J. I was excited but scared. Like what if he knows?

I became all clumsy. Dropping my phone on the staircase. And he helped. I was snapchatting every moment with him to be honest. I snuck photos of him but none of it was good quality :( I told my senior which I was rather close with that J was cute. And he started doing hearts behind J's back. And yes I was blushing but at the same time embarrassed. And then I noticed, he did the same thing to an other senior. Oh no, she finds him cute too :( and my self-esteem dropped. I looked so weird and horrible and she was pretty and those lovable type.

When my seniors we talking photos, I walked beside J and took snapchats. At the bridge, he stopped and I took a video of the bridge from one side to the other and he was in between.. He looked really cute. Which soon I realised, he actually smiles into my phone camera. Oh god. And to make me more nervous, J talked to me in the middle of the bridge. He asked me if I was closed with the senior and told me to call them to hurry up. Just that and I melted.

So we went to tour around and on the way back, the seniors decided to take a picture today. I took for them and yes it was great. But the one with me, my face was blocked but J looked great. And when you could see my face, J was looking somewhere else.... There wasn't a nice photo together :(

To make it worse, my senior asked if I wanted a solo photo with him. And I moved a step away and said that its ok. I don't know, but it felt like he noticed and was hurt? And I'm really sorry. I'm just afraid. I afriad you noticed my excited face. I was blushing every single time they mention you, J.

And up to this day, I regretted not taking the photo with you.

My remaining days there, it was filled of him. I had him on my mind all the time. It's been 4 months now since I knew you.

After I came back from that study trip. I actually did search for J on Facebook. And yes I found him. Added him and now, we are good friends. We've been texting. He doesn't look like how he is. He's an amazing guy.

For the past 4 months, I'm glad to have found you. I think I really like you. Even when you hurt me, I can't bare to turn away. But I know you just treat me as an international friend.. I really do like you :( is it even possible that moments which lasted for around 2-3hours, could make me fall for you this hard :( I want you... So many things happened between us and I start to miss you more and more each day.