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Nobody cares for me
I’m 21 years old and I recently realized that no one cares if I existed or not. My own family, although they offered the bare minimum, treat me as an afterthought and may parents favor their other children. And I can confidently say that the people that would visit me in the hospital; the number of all those people that ever existed can be counted on one hand. Also all of these people have exited my life a number of years ago. I’ve lately started to spend less time working out in the gym and playing video games (the 2 activities that made up 80% of life) and I’ve realized just how lonely I am. I left school and for literally 2 years now nobody reached out to check up on me. Even my coworkers; they know each others birthdays and plan to meet up before shifts. If I went through the list of phone numbers I have, I am certain that nobody would want to meetup spontaneously, that is if they reply in the first place. I get super jealous when I see a guy with his Girlfriend and she’s acting jealous or hugging him or joking with him. All the girls I’ve had I had to be the one initiate intimacy and it always ends with some version of “you’ll be late you should get going”. I seriously would so turned on if I went to leave and the girl grabbed my arm and said “nooo stay a little longer”. that has yet to happen to me. I don’t know what it is about me that radiates “I don’t like affection” but it’s bot true. I seriously crushed over my coworker because she hugged and kissed me on the cheek without prompt (she does that to everybody). I feel like I’ve done everything to try and untie this knot without success. I just kinda wish I had a girlfriend that would hug and kiss me instead of me having to make those things happen. I might come off as depraved because I probably am. I just really wish I could find somebody that cares for me even as a friend. This matter has been swallowing me alive for the past few months and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.
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Please hold on! You just haven't found your people yet. I went through a similar phase, it was hard. I took it upon myself to initiate relationships. I reached out to my friends and family. I started to see how they respond to me reaching out. From their reactions, I learned who to hold on to and who to cut off. It takes a lot of time and investment in people to have the kind of relationship where people will meet you spontaneously. Even after years, sometimes people are just not up for it. Keep trying. I remember spending summers alone and lonely. Now I just keep myself busy and that leads to me having a social life. I still am not in a relationship and I am in my thirties, but with the time that will happen too. My advice to you is to stay busy, work out, go to the gym, go to events (alone even), and try to find common interests with the people you like. Be patient with yourself & others.
ReplyExperiencing this life through involvement with people and situations can be a big challenge. Most religions teach that we have just this life time to earn a trip to heaven or to hell when it ends. Our agendas, no matter what they are, can't adequately prepare us for either outcome. None of us have the level of control over what happens next that we would like to have. Our super powers come from our ability to make the best of the hand that we are dealt.
The real truth is that we don't have a life to live as we choose. LIFE has us. Each of us is what LIFE is doing where we are right now. Every encounter is an opportunity to go with (and not resist) ITS flow and to learn and do helpful things along the way. When we let go of this false sense of control and let IT be, LIFE can better use our presence to bring more light and love into the world. When we become ITS instrument, the fun begins.
Stop worrying about this guy that you are and make the best of every opportunity presented.
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