Foilsick

A word meaning[source via urban dictionary] 'Feeling ashamed after revealing a little too much of yourself to someone - allowing them to clear a view on your pettiness, your anger, your cowardice and childlike vulnerability - wishing that you didn’t have a deep disdain for who you think you actually are'

Hm

I've foudn a word

I dont know if i like it though

I understand it

I understand the feeling it brings

But how can you hate the person you think you are if you're not sure who that is?

I'm tryijg to bring to mind what I hide behind a mask almost everyday, that only seems to come out on rare occasions, with friends or when Im happy or tired and can forget the world for a moment

Heheh its funny cuz i cant think of myself that way

Cuz I've been told I'm to loud

Or obnoxious

Or overly excited

For actung like a child

Because im 18

Why should i be happy about a silly little show? Or a beaded lizard that makes little clicky sounds?

Heh now im crying

Tomorrow i will wake up

and i will shut myself down again. Some of me will peek through the cracks, but ultimately i will not show that to anyone

Because who am i to be happy when all that does is get me hurt?

That got dark haha, idk lol, you dont have to comment, its more just me putting down my thoughts. Also its fun to learn interesting words