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Today I decided to hang out with my best friend and another friend, we went out for a drink. At the bar I saw my ex girlfriend... first of all I must explain what happened between the two of us, I'll be brief, she had a boyfriend, I really liked her, we started dating, she was the first girl I ever felt something for, I think I might have been in love, eventhough, she ended up choosing someone else before me, which really broke my heart. A couple of years after we were still friends, I used to hang out with my best friend and some other friends, until one day I was so drunk... I can barely remember that night (I clarify I'm not justifying myself), I can recall I kissed her best friend, I think we were about to do something else... anyways, I didn't tell her because I was afraid... well, she found out anyways, and decided to end our friendship, I tried to fix everything, but it was obvious it wasn't gonna happen. After a while I tried to fix everything, i had made some thinking, so I felt it could work, so I texted her and told how I felt and saying sorry about what happened. She said she liked me, and that she had feelings for me, so she proposed a date. I remember being so excited and optimistic, until we started talking... it was a trap, everything she said was a lie, she felt nothing for me but hate and pity... I remember every word, and each of them hurts like a knife. I know it was all my fault, I was a prick. A couple of weeks after that I texted her best friend and said things about us being a couple (Yes, I was drunk again, and messed up) My ex texted me and said she was right about me being a prick (Which I am, and I accept it with embarrasement). So, back to today, I was at a bar with my friends, saw her, she tried to make me uncomfortable (I obviously was), so I explained all to my friends, the look in their eyes was clear, I am a piece of shit, but they said nothing, one of them explained something about people like me deserving to be alone, because we weren't capable of being with a couple, eventhough he never said it directly, his look said everything. I believe him, and now I understand who I am... my true self... and I look around, and I know I am alone, not because life is unfair, but because I deserve it.... Not that anyone cares....
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