Dear dad.

It's been almost a year since you left. A year since you've cheated. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of you everyday. My heart aches when I hear your name, helplessly laughing it off, and changing the topic. I don't want to be dramatic. I don't want to sound like I'm in the Kardashians. I'm that type of person. I just go with the flow-most of the time anyway. Recently I found my 'piece' I wrote over the experience project or something like that. September 2015, it wrote. I almost cringe at the mispelled letters, and capitals displayed whole heartedly. Geez, I could really feel the anger radiating off of me. Not that I blame me. I mean, I was angry. very angry in fact. Up till now, I've always refrained from thinking about our situation. Waiting for time to pass, and get this over with. I just never thought that this would happen to us. We weren't these type of people. When you cheated, I guess I was just to shocked to then it changed into denial. I stood by you, thinking it was just one big misunderstanding. I never ever would think that my daddy would do such a thing. my daddy who was so wise, so honest, who was my everything. Remember those late night sessions we used to have? When I would tell you on and on about my day, while you would commentate and give me advice. I used to tease those dots on your nose, and how red your face was. Funny how that was actually something I had too. I used to show you new music. I could tell that you didn't like it, but listened to it anyway. You also brought me to my first concert, Taylor Swift. I remember regretting buying that glowstick, even up to this day. And how you couldn't get the heart shape right. Remember when I wore that ridiculous shirt and hat? so embarrassing. I remember bragging about how I had such a cool dad. I mean sure we've had our share fights. Mostly because of my stubbornness and laziness. But I get it. You have the discipline us to become better human beings into society. You were always someone with values and morals. Indirectly, you were my bestfriend. The only person in the world I can share anything with without being judged, until of course, It affects your parental guidelines. Remember when mom found out about physical proof about the whole cheating thing? And you lied saying that it's a misunderstanding? I believed you. Remember when I wrote you that letter with the whole dramatic "are we not good enough? am I not good enough?" then when I told you, you just laughed. I laughed too. Sleepless nights, and shoutings then commenced after that. And I still didn't take it seriously. So when the truth finally came out, you could imagine the shock that went through me. Not sadness, disappointment, but shock. just shock. So when you promised that you wouldn't do it again, sealing it with a pinky promise, you still went ahead and deceived us twice. They say when it's already happened, the second one hurts less. But it doesn't. If anything, the second time was like a stab through your heart. You think of all the times, all the promises, all just being a lie. But you know, let's not dwell on the past, right? I can feel the divorce etching soon. The papers got in a few months ago, in which I gracefully managed to take a peek in. Some of the things you've written truly sent me wabbling over to the kitchen just to cry. Pathetic, I know. Like saying how almost the whole of your marriage you were unhappy. I'm not going to justify anything, but don't you have any respect? my mother was the one that stood by you when you were depressed, had little money, just barely thriving in the business world. If you think that woman of yours will stick with you through thick and thin, well, that's your judgment. Because a decent woman would have even a little respect for themselves. I don't know about you, but I would never allow myself to become another mans' whore. Well that's just me. And at this point, I'm not even in the slightest mood to be discreet. I shall let my thoughts pounder and speak for themselves, in since this will be the last time I will speak of this issue. You know, I thank God that I'm not in any worser situation. I do believe that in a downfall, there's always an uplifting moment soon to conjure. But most of all, I believe in karma. That I pray, I wish no harm towards you and your other family, I suppose? Truth be told, I wish I could just let it go. But it's not that easy. The more I don't think about it, the more it comes back pounding on my door even louder. Am I angry? Partially. disappointed? absolutely. do I forgive you? Yes, I do. I forgive you dad. I hope you find that adventure you've lounged for, and I hope you're having the best time of your life, choosing the one and only you.

Just because I forgive you, you shouldn't expect anything more. You're right. "V will understand" Oh I do. I understand just perfectly that it's better to save just yourself in an already sinking ship. Because of course, your happiness is the most important thing above anything else.

But know this, I'm someone who trusts people easily. But when that trust is broken, it can almost never be repaired. I don't want to be dramatic, but to hell that's me. I'm an emotional person, so when someone betrays me it hurts even more.

At first, I didn't want this to be another hate speech. But it isn't. It's rather something I can look back too, to remember. Honestly, I forget a lot of things. I forget what it's like to be excited to see a silver inova pull over school, to smell your onion armpits when we hug, to have someone I can act myself too.

So dad, I know we'll meet again someday. When you're ready to face us. Which I doubt will be anytime soon. Just like that I hope I once held that you would come back home. that you would give it your all to try one more time.

But I guess that's life, right? Anyways, good luck in life. I hope you finally found what you've been looking for.

-V