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Do you know why I have such a difficult time talking with you over the phone and in person?
Because I feel that there's such a strong shield around you that it prevents me from feeling comfortable enough to truly express myself. It's like there's a barrier between us and I can't seem to break through. And so, the main way that I have found that I can fully say what I'm thinking and feeling on a deeper level is to write to you. I don't like using this kind of platform to tell you everything because it's not a private space to share all the details.
If you had read the message that I sent you, you might of realized that I was just trying to break down that barrier. I sorry that my timing was off and that I went about it the wrong way.
I have been deeply wounded by sharing things and being vulnerable with people (even by people close to me), which is why it takes me some time to open-up to people as trust needs to be there. And unfortunately, you have been one of those people that have added another wound in that area. I have tried soo many different times to open-up to you and I've tried in soo different ways. Each time it felt like you flat out were unwilling to hear me, and that you had no interest in getting to know me. I felt unheard, misunderstood, unseen, dismissed, invalidated. I felt intimidated by you, and judged and criticized. And like I already stated, the long message that I sent you was me trying to find a way to communicate with you as a way to overcome that barrier so things could get worked out. I am sorry that it wasn't to your liking, and the wrong timing.
"You share with people who've earned the right to hear your story... You have to earn the right to hear my story. It's an honor to hold space for me when I'm in shame." - Brené Brown
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