What are you looking for?
4 months ago · · therapy,
Earth's atmosphere lit up like a fireworks display. You walked in the room and my breath escaped me. All I wanted to do was touch you. Feel your skin under my fingertips. It was forbidden. I withdrew like a recluse, closing off my inner world letting only glimpses of emotion flow. With each interaction my hardened heart was slowly coming unraveled. Specks of glitter in the darkness where only light can shine through even if just a tiny sliver. Forgetting you was impossible. So, I didn’t. Begging to take what was hidden and make it whole. I’d expected you to be the sun in this dance together. Warmth to the cold buried beneath the surface. I could never tell you what you really are to me. It was the illusion of you that held the key. Was it reciprocated? I’m not to ever know. But it was just the mere existence of you that would spark a change in me forever. It was a summer of growth.
The days grew shorter as time expanded. Not fully ready to fly but edging closer. The shell of a once loathing caterpillar despising its very self, emerging with great struggle to take pleasure in its silk drawn wings. Is it ever truly whole or complete. Is wholeness the only thing we are seeking. Wouldn’t it be better to have darkness filling the emptiness as the self grows deeper? The depths of wholeness fulfilled only when we go in and open up the sorrow. A tiny pearl at the center of it all. Doesn’t a clam shell harness darkness ultimately to produce radiant beauty. Is it the grains of salt collecting their soul in the deep waters of an abyss. It takes all of it, to make it whole.
While the battle rages on, the light awakens my soul, I search the world around me listlessly. The radiance shines brighter than ever before. Im still searching for the deeper meaning of life. This time with more clarity. I sense the eternal love of a divine presence. As he makes His way known to me I follow with a weightlessness that has been gifted to me. The beauty of the soul is emerging from the wisdom that resides within. I will find me there, in the osmosis of it all.