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You got with me when I was 14, you were my grandmothers ex and I tried to get you back with my grandmother and instead you groomed me, this was over a year ago so I know that you dont care anymore. But I truly fell in love with you, I was overwhelmed with how you made my body feel and it created something completely opposite to what I should have done. I should have ended it multiple times. And you would think I learned my lesson huh? That I should have knew it was wrong when you decided to throw that bottle at me. When you fed me alcohol and weed to make sure I was naive. I have never been so out of control of my actions or decisions so I depended wholly on you. And when my grandmother found out about it, what you did, she blamed me. And told my abuelo that I was with you, not you were with me. And they kicked me out while they threw my stuff and called me a whore and said I was to leave and never come back. And I wanted to be by myself and I decided I wanted to just die. I wanted to die and just not feel. I have never felt more abandoned in my life. Never. And you came along and coaxed me back to life, you fed me love and nurtured me. But you still continued to abuse me, but that was what I knew, how my family was so I welcomed it. You put drugs into my system that made me see things that were crazy. You had to grab me because I heard coyotes and wanted to join them, I called them my family. I still remember the day you thought I was cheating on you with a guy who cared about me and gave me money because I was 14 and living on the streets of the worst sides of town. You held my nose and poured water down my throat, and asked me what his name was. But i am a fighter and I kicked and thrashed and you almost had me but I figured a way out, and I still won. You never found out his name, and after that you just smiled and said, "You got out, you did well". You fucking bastard. You made me love my body even though I was 120 pounds and I am almost 5'8. It was disgusting to see my bones stick out of my body. You made me love my blue eyes, and made me see that I truly was beautiful. You made me feel worthy, no matter what, and I hate that to this day I see myself thinking about our time together and miss it. I hate myself for it, but I do. I still have the ring you gave me when you asked me to marry you, and I still blush when I think about that day as well. How I was happy but then got so angry at you, I threw the ring at you and started giving you vulgar names and hand gestures and ran out of the hotel we just had. But you still texted the girl who was me but older. Looked very similar but was in better shape. You fucked me 3 to 6 times a day, and you make me lust for it now. I am only about to be 16. You fucking bastard. I hope you rot in hell. For what you did, how you made me feel and what you did to my trust issues. And if anyone reads this please help me.
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But please what can I do, what can we do, I really feel the pain radiating from your writing and I don't know what to do. I'm just going to let you know I'd do the worst imaginable thing to someone like him, I'm sorry for not being able to do anything but write this. I hope the exact strength that flashes in each of your words can expand and turn you into something bigger than this dark malevolence committed by such a diabolical bastard, and all I could do is stand beside your wish that he should rot in hell mercilessly. I am sorry and if this platform was more real, we would hug you and scream "hold on" and "you're stronger than evil". I hope the best for you. I really do.
ReplyThank you, I feel a little better reading this. You would be someone I would become a friend to, because you helped me. You did what anyone could do, write. :)
I wish we could both do the terrible things to him, and I would do it without remorse. I apprceiate you and hope you live the best of the rest of your days happy and fullfilled :)
Replywell it's not your fault that you got groomed by him. i was also groomed by my ex but i got saved on my own. nor my parents supported it and only my friend supported me. from this i can say it has affected you mentally. so get a help from the therapist and heal your self. i know it's hard but you will get through it. most of all don't keep contact with your family. it seemed like they never cared about your situation.
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