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How do I tell my mom she isn't making my gender identity feel valid, without sounding rude?
4 months ago · · mom,
Okay so basically, I've told my mom many times that I identify as nonbinary, and would like to use they/them pronouns. And last night, I talked to her about wanting to go by a different name—one that's more gender-neutral.
She seemed to be caught off guard, because she thought we were still doing a "pronoun trial run" where I tested out they/them pronouns for a couple weeks. But the thing is, she keeps using she/her pronouns for me, and calling me her daughter. Not once have I heard her use my preferred pronouns. Now, I do understand that this is a big change for her, but I've talked about it with her at least 5 times within the past month.
I feel like using they/them pronouns isn't enough. I'm very insecure about my feminine body shape, and my body has been developing more quickly within the past few weeks. I want to go by a different name that isn't as feminine, so I can feel happier and more confident with myself. Using my birth name doesn't help me feel like a valid person. Having all of these feminine traits makes me feel as if I'm living a lie, and it feels like I'm being forced to be someone I'm not. I personally think it'd really help my self esteem and mental health if I could go by the name I want to.
I'd really appreciate some advice on how I could politely tell her my thoughts, without sounding ungrateful for her willingness to try and support me. Could anyone help me out, please?