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My biggest weakness has always been my ability to love. I love extravagantly, I love hard. A wise man once said "With great power comes great responsibility", and I do believe that my ability to love so large is a power. A power however, for which I have no control over. This lack of control subjects me to copious amounts of hurt, self hatred, and unrequited love. With just the briefest touch, glance, or act of kindness from someone I have taken slight interest in and I can fall. My mind enters a dream like state where I imagine such touches and glances occurring constantly, but not by accident, but because you want them to happen. You want me to feel as much affection and lust that I am feeling for you. In this day dream of mine we are happy, we are in love. There is a fine line between my day dreams and reality, a fine line so quickly crossed often times by the people I am fantasizing about. Loving hard leads to hurting hard, and hurting hard leads to metal destruction. I realize that these day dreams hurt more than help, but I simply cannot control loving large. Until I gain control over my ability to love myself as much as I love others, erase the expectations that I have created in my fantasies, I will continue to be subjected to heartbreak and teary eyes, by men that may only know as little as my name.
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