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For 2019, I faced a lot in my life, my life turned upside down,I saw my uncle who is like a father to me suffer and died, I saw my father fell ill after being diagnosed with parkinson disease. The man I loved since childhood betrayed me, and now I all left is alone. I tried to talk to many people including my family about how constantly I am feeling, why I am feeling such thing, but I can't. Sometimes I thought spending time alone can fix this, but each day it's getting worse. I don't want pain to get greater than my life still most of the time I'm feeling I won't able to handle this anymore. It's too painful, these memories, those nightmares which I'm having it's just so much. I pretend to be fine to support my family, to be their strength, to give them strength but I'm failing 'cause I am unable to feel good. Everytime I felt like ending my life, 'cause I can't, I am not able to handle this pain. I am tired. I really want to be at peace with my past. I really wish to forget my past. But I am unable to. The only way I am seeing right now is to die. I really don't want to follow this way, to walk on this path but my pain is increasing day by day. I am not feeling good. I am trying every single thing to feel good which makes me feel better time to time but again my pain comes back. People says person who commit suicide isn't brave, I don't agree with them, 'cause they choose to be at peace, their pain is greater than anything and they choose to end it. Either I wish to become braver like them or else please god help me cope up with my pain.
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If you see a therapist you will get the help you need. This person will help you heal from the past and show you how to have a healthy future. Keep God in your life and ask Him for help but remember not to only talk to God when you want help but to pray to Him often and always have Him in your life.
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