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At this early year, I make tough decision in my life. I decide to retire from my dream uni after 1 semester studying there. It's hard, but I can't control or hold my depression. And this year I just realized that I want to study there it's because my ego (I'm not rich and not even smart, but I just want to prove to people that I can get that uni, this uni was top 1 in my country.) but after I got that uni, I was happy but not long after that I feel nothing, my motivation for study slowly disappear. And my gpa was the worst part. My uncle who push me really hard was disappointed seeing my gpa. At the same time, in my gap year, I take my pen again to draw. Last time I draw was at 6 grade elementary school or middle school (it's certain, that I'm not really into draw at that back time). I start to draw again and when I do it, I really enjoy the process. From that time, I always spare my time to draw and think that can I being someone who draw for the rest of my life. I'll get money and job because of draw, can I do this? Because of this, I chose to retire from my uni without telling my uncle (i just really afraid to tell him bcs he is really strict). And yeah, this year I always practice drawing with hope that I can make money and go to college again to pick a major that I really want to. It's really hard ngl, The worst part was I can't cry, and I feel nothing, what I do is I have to practice and practices again until my drawing get better.... So yeah, when I draw I usually play a sad song to make me cry, but unfortunately it's not work for me. As people say, doing something we like it's not always feel fun sometimes it's really feel hard and make me want to blame my decision to retire from uni. But this is my choice, I should have responsible for my own decision. So, in conclusion i just wondering why i can't cry? Even though i cry, i didn't really feel pain its just like tears going down suddenly. Am I too stressed??
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