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My childhood wasn't bad but it was definitely complicated. And for years I never understood just how much it impacted me. I turn 24 next month and for the first time in my life, I have someone who's interested in me. Growing up a weird chubby kid in a small-minded town didn't leave many dating opportunities. So combine no dating experience with the emotional trauma from my childhood and I'm a walking therapy case. For years I believed I was unlovable. Though now I know that isn't true, it's still hard trying to keep my brain from convincing me otherwise. And now that there is the potential of someone wanting to date me I am currently freaking out. I've been single for so long that now when I think about it, it triggers a panic attack. Is this person totally my type? Yes. Do I have good feelings about dating them? Also yes. Does the idea of me being in any relationship give me so much anxiety I start shaking? Sadly still yes. I tried talking to my sister about it (bad idea) and she start teasing me saying things like "Look who's got a girlfriend." And it sent me into another panic. Are my emotions normal? Am I crazy? I've never been this scared about something like this and I don't want to ruin it before I even have a chance to see where it goes.
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