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Hello person. So, you’ve stumbled upon this entry. Good luck fellow traveller, you have much to learn about anger, frustration, loneliness, stupidity and progress. ..Or the lack thereof. On that note, I think it’s time to end. Haha. No. So how has life been? Lonely. Why? Because umar is a babyyyy. Well not exactly. It seems we are experiencing a similar train of emotions as the most recent non-family prolonged social experience we faced, which in fairness was quite a while ago. Anyhow, continuing the topic of discussion, the dissatisfaction with the small conversations I have, or wanting more of those conversations results in an overwhelming feeling of detachment and isolation. The issue arises when those feelings lead to destructive behaviour as has been experienced in the last week. How much money was spent? Oh, that’s not a question you’d like the answer to. That’s a question you’d hide from, a question you’d run a mile from. Sadness. But all this brings us back to the source of our issues, a question that has long sat burning in the far corners of my mind. A question that I find myself avoiding, a question I have tried to disguise as an illegitimate thought, a question you mark as just one risen from the pain of your wounds. But really? Is that question such? I think not when circumstances have proven the question legitimate time and time again. So, does umar have the capability of making friends? Do you? Do I? Well, I don’t think so. The end. Haha. But thinking seriously, do I have that capability, is it not so that I am no longer able? I think so. Trying to make friends, socializing, and involving myself with people only ever creates these stupid trains of emotions, on which I’ve never wanted a ride. Seclusion would be so much easier, maybe loneliness will still be something I feel but loneliness isn’t a train. Loneliness is just emptiness which is arguably simpler. This was always a result I anticipated with this experiment, though I hoped for another result. Hoped so much that I often ignored the slight nag of this question burning away at the furthest corners of this rather incredible, pretty stupid, genius of a mind. But it is not to be, friends are not a possibility for I. But this experiment shall continue until the end. You need to improve your social skills, dummy. Cry your nights away if you must but just improve your manner of speaking, your confidence when speaking etc. And when this ends, alone shall be your abode. I’ll make it happen.
A passerby.
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