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I need help figuring out what to do!
So I met my wife in Unversity in Wales a few years ago. She is originally from Northern Ireland and I'm originally from South Wales.
After university she moved down to South Wales with one of her friends so we could continue our relationship. Long story short... we moved into together, got engaged, married and now have a one year old daughter.
We have our foundations of our lives here but yesterday she broke down and said she wants to move back to Northern Ireland - All of us.
I don't know if im being selfish or what but in my mind we have already started building our lives here. I have a career which doesn't really have many opportunities in Northern Ireland and finally feel my career progressing. She is a accounts assistant so she could easily get a job in her field. The main reason she wants to move back is that she wants our daughter and any future children to grow up around her cousins. I understand this and completely agree that family is important.
My mum and dad live near us at the moment and both work full time. Her parents live in Northern Ireland, father self employed and mother doesn't work. Therefore since our daughter been born they have been coming over for big chunks of the year to see her and us. My parents wont be able to do this if we moved over there as both work full time and limited with annual leave.
My heritage. I know this shouldn't be a big thing but to me it is. I am a proud Welsh speaker and always wanted my children to speak welsh and have the opportunities to work through the medium of Welsh. I use the Welsh language in my job and again another reason why I don't really want to move to NI because I'd fear I'd lose that.
Friendships. We have a lot of friends in South Wales as I grew up here and still very close to the friendship groups. All my friends have welcomed my wife with open arms. If we moved to Northern Ireland I wouldn't have anyone but her family. Her friends don't really show an interest me in and always felt they didn't like me. Also she only has friends that are girls... so again no friends for me. She works for a small firm so doesn't really have the opporunity to have a friendship group of her own. So she feels lonely. I've tried to encourge her to go to activities with other mums, band practice or even church but nothing happens.
Another fear I have is that I won't fit in with life in NI. I'm a 'camp' guy. Not into sport etc. Geeky with gaming etc. But I asked her in all the years you lived in Northern Ireland have you ever met someone with a similar personality to me. Her answer no. She only knew the farmer personality people. Which I will not fit into.
So yeah, I don't know what to do.
I feel like I have to choose between giving up who I am and everything I have built for myself and my dreams for having Welsh speaking children so we'd have more family around. Between Family, Career, Friendships, Personaily and Heritage I'm broken thinking about it.
Any suggestions or advice would help! Thanks
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Have faith that everything will work out for the better even if you cannot see it right now. Good luck my friend.
ReplyBe a man and stand your ground. It used to be that the wife goes along with what the husband says, but things have changed. Give her the reasons why you should not, cannot, and won't move and make arrangements for her and you to take your children to Northern Ireland for holidays whenever you can. Your children will make friends where you are and don't have to be with cousins at all.
I am of Welsh descent even though I was born in Sydney Australia. I even have a Welsh name, Bronwyn.
ReplyTalk to her politely and explain to her the real things, and listen to her points too.
She will understand. Otherwise, you have no choice but to move on to that place.
And it's not as you think about that place, who knows you can get there friends too.
Reply