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let me just say that it is impossible for me to move out - it simply won't happen, I 100% know it, but I just like to imagine that it could happen. it won't. but let's imagine.
i live at home for college and i commute everyday for like 2hrs to get to my classes. the i come home. that's all I do everyday. No social life at all, i just go to my class then come back. I don't do any extracurriculars, i don't explore museums or exhibitions or anything artsy and related to my course because I can't.
i'm almost 20. my parents still treat me like a 12 year old. they call me and message me dozens of times to ask me where i am and to come home as soon as class is done etc etc. the peers in my class all get to go off and have a nice lunch, or explore a cool museum or an inspiring event and it seems so fun and nice. But i can't do that.
in my first year of college, I attempted to go off on a little 'after class free time' thing, with some girls in my class i was just getting to know. they are not my friends, but we just started the semester and everything was new and i though i'd have a go at finally being independent with my time and doing something spontaneous. but halfway through this, my parents called me and even though they weren't on speaker-phone, they were LOUD AF and it was so embarassing because the other girls could hear them scolding me and telling me to 'stop doing stupid things and come home'.
we were just at a starbucks. eating.
i came home and my dad scolded me more and said he didn't want me going to places after class and wanted me to come straight home always.
i felt so bad from that day and until now. my college experience so far has been absolute trash. if i was allowed to have moved out for college, maybe i wouldn't be so cowardly and alone. i'd finally have some skills. my parents do everything for me and while i am grateful, i also feel so useless and almost childish compared to my classmates.
i hate this feeling man. i don't feel independant at all. but at the same time, i feel so alone.
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independence only comes with money.
Money for rent, food, medical attention, cloth, services such as water, gas, light...
In the meantime, you're a slave: being legally adult and living with your parents, it's a nightmare.... and I'm 38 (I had problems, like any could had and my parents suck, they don't even realize if I'm home or not).
I don't really know your parents, which makes it hard to understand their overprotective behaviour, but it's unhealthy for you. If you can, first, be serious about it and sit them both at dinner to talk the subject with some speech you rehearsed (so you know what to say and why you will say it). After that, they can learn little by little and change a bit, looking for a balance from two sides.
If talking didn't work, rebellion is next. A peaceful one, ok?
Announce you will come back home in the afternoon, if class is in the morning, or after taking coffee with friends. Once they got used to, stop saying it. If your father wants to scold you, just ignore: tell him you won't hear illogical things or nonsense, or simply don't engage and keep walking, lock your door and do your stuff. Put some good music (not necessarily loud). Remember: before anything, make sure you have food 🤣
If they cut money from you, look for a part-time job. You're so young and you're a man; it will be a p of cake find one. And you know what, DO THAT FIRST. That way, you won't have to explain anything about anything, and you'll have your own money to spend.
Be happy. And GROW UP if you wanna be happy. Your parents are experimenting the symptoms of an empty nest, apparently.
Good luck 👍
Replythank you aha 😭im actually a girl and i guess with immigrant parents in a western setting, they're just so overprotective, they can't handle the fact that i'm my own person with interests and wants - i just don't want them to treat me like a little kid anymore when i'm a year from graduating, but i guess i'll try be more assertive with this bc they need to know
ReplyYou do seem to have caring parents. Not everyones are that caring so that's a blessing in itself. Even if they seem a bit controlling.
But you are an adult at the same time you can come and go as you please they can't stop you. However you I assume have to abide by house rules. As an adult you should have no curfew that's not for them to decide anymore. It sounds like they aren't ready to let you have the freedom of an adult. You may have to sit down and gently talk to them. If they worry so much tell them what time you'll be back and stick to it. Take care :)
ReplyWow we’re living the same life because my parents are exactly like this. I start college next year and I’m really hoping I can gain a little more independence lol
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